Family should support us, and love us unconditionally.
When there are toxic family members in the bunch, it makes things much more complicated…and painful.
Family gatherings usually have a snippet or two of drama- a snide remark here, a passive-aggressive comment there- but when the drama follows one person specifically, things tend to get annoyingly tedious. There are always moments that we would rather not partake involving certain people, but they’re family…so we carry on.
After all, when someone is family they are permanently a part of our lives. We have to put up with all the things they say and do because there is a relation through blood. And sure, they have their positive aspects and there were plenty of good times to go with the subtle jabs.
However, sometimes, just sometimes, there are family members who do more than “joke” with us or gossip about us.
Sometimes there are toxic family members who are only interested in emotionally and mentally harming. Sometimes they need to be removed from your life.
Here are four reasons why you should be completely fine with removing toxic family members from your life:
1. They Use Manipulation Tactics.
Gaslighting is a common trait among toxic personalities. They make you feel like you are slowly losing your mind, and you never know what is real. They say things that are cruel and demeaning, then blame you for feeling hurt by their words. You never know what side of them someone else sees, only the toxic and manipulative version of themselves is shown to you. This mental abuse causes stress and self-doubt, which can lead to physical issues like insomnia, poor diet, and more. You do not need this in your life.
2. They Only Like You When They Need You.
Notice I wrote “like,” not “love.” The toxic people I am referring to are not capable of unconditional love. They may appear to be in a healthy relationship, or even have plenty of friends who think they are great people, but their partner and their friends have yet to see their true colours.
Toxic family members show up in your life when they need something from you. If you need them, you’re on your own. They thrive on drama and chaos, so even if you do help them, watch out. You’re likely to be the bad guy at the end of it all.
3. They Hate Being Ignored.
It’s likely that you’ve already tried to distance yourself from this person, and were then lured back by their tricks. As soon as you start to show any sign of a boundary line, they insist on crossing it.
It’s important to remember that even if they promise you the world, they will not change overnight. These are deep-rooted issues that take years to undo. Stand your ground.
4. They Will Never Stop Judging You.
Regardless of what you do, who you help, what you wear, where you work- they will judge you and do their best to make you feel inferior. They spread their poison everywhere they go, so you know they are sharing their view of how worthless you are to everyone they know. It gets exhausting to have to continuously defend yourself from being who you are.
None of this will be easy at first, but it does get easier over time. As you get older, you begin to realize your self-worth more and more, and an understanding of “life is short” becomes comprehensive. You don’t have to apologize or feel guilty for putting yourself first for a change, even if that means cutting off certain family members.
