You know him. He is confident, easy-going, charismatic, charming – everything you have ever dreamed of. But what you don’t see is that he is also self-centered and narcissistic.
Narcissists are easy to fall for but once you are in a relationship with such person, it can put your feelings and your mental health at risk.
Narcissism can be defined as idealizing one’s own image. Narcissistic people are convinced that there is no one as superior as them. They love to talk about their achievements and they couldn’t care less about listening to anyone else. Being in a relationship with a narcissist means that your opinion, as well as your accomplishments, won’t matter. Well, at least not as much as theirs.
Narcissistic people always put themselves first and prioritize their needs above everyone else.
Narcissists believe that they are unique and special and often tend to treat other people as objects. As long as they are getting what they want they feel satisfied and contended. They appear to be loving and they make you feel like you are exceptional. But the minute they stop getting the attention they think they deserve, narcissists start acting cold and emotionless. They become distant and they stop caring about anyone else.
Narcissism damages many good relationships.
If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you might have experienced this before. Maybe you didn’t meet their expectations or you couldn’t keep up with their eventful lifestyle. And then, when you tried to explain how they make you feel, they acted like they are the victim in the situation. This manipulative tactic is often a part of a narcissist’s behavioral pattern. What is more, they don’t understand that they are being cruel and arrogant. They just want everything in their life to be perfectly arranged so it could serve their needs.
In addition, narcissists are usually unable to commit to a long-term relationship.
They quickly lose interest in their partner simply because nobody is as good as them. If you are not programmed to be the perfect match for them, you are not worth the time and attention. In fact, this attitude affects their friendships as well. Egocentric people cannot establish deep connections with others and they don’t have real friends. What they want from a friend is someone who will constantly praise them and make them feel like the center of attention.
Another indication of narcissism can be the absence of empathy.
The feeling of understanding other people’s needs and emotions is unknown to a self-centered person. This can be explained by the fact that as kids many of us were told that showing affection and sharing compassion makes you weak and vulnerable. But surely empathy is something that can be built with time, the same as trust and respect. Although being compassionate cannot be learned in a day, it is possible even for a narcissist to become empathetic.
Being in a relationship means to understand, respect and care for each other. If you are struggling with a narcissistic partner, you either need to be patient with them or you have to find a way to show them how they are damaging your relationship as well as your mental health.
Assuming that you are the self-absorbed person in your relationship and you actually want to change this behavior, what is best for you is to start caring more about the people around you. Give them the attention you want to receive. Involve in their lives and try to be compassionate and loving. You can try by asking simple questions such as “How was your day?” or “What is bothering you now?”. Be there for them and certainly they will be there for you.
