Oh, narcissists. These charming, evil creatures that make your heart stop and trap you inside their glamorous world made of nothing but deceptions. Starting a romantic relationship with someone high on narcissism seems so natural and carefree at first. Until they reveal their true nature and you realize you have been living in a massive lie.
Is having a healthy and balanced relationship with a narcissist possible?
According to the narcissism expert Elinor Greenberg, no matter how much narcissists claim they love you, sooner or later, they will abuse you. Even if your partner is the most charismatic human being, as long as they have a narcissistic personality, you will most likely end up hurt.
As soon as you stand up for yourself or dare to end the relationship once you’ve had enough of their emotional abuse, they will make sure you regret your bold decision. The magnetic person you knew will turn into a monster whose only goal in life is to make you pay for rejecting them.
But how can you tell if your narcissistic partner will eventually start treating you badly?
The one thing you should be looking out for is the way they talk about their ex. Pay attention to the words they say and the grimace their face makes. If they speak with hatred and blame their former partner for everything that went down in their relationship, without admitting they had a part too, they will probably do the same to you. In other words, if they have a history of abuse, infidelity, or other repulsive relationship behaviors, this history will most likely repeat itself.
Moreover, it’s important to listen to the way they talk about people in general. If the negative tone prevails, someday it may be you they speak so resentfully about.
So, to avoid becoming a victim of a narcissistic partner, here are 5 things you need to know, as advised by experts:
1. After the courtship is over, your narcissistic mate will start to insult and devalue you.
Нo matter how much he or she claims to love you, the hatred they hold for being rejected will prevail. They would begin treating you like the most pathetic person on Earth, even though they used to tell you you are the most fascinating being they have ever seen.
2. You will be blamed for many things that are not your fault.
It is instilled in a narcissist’s nature to blame everyone else for mistakes they have done themselves. Not only do they claim you are guilty of things that ate not your fault, but they also put incredible effort into convincing you that it was your actions that forced them to behave so toxically. In the end, they will make you apologize for things you have nothing to do with.
3. Your narcissistic mate will pick serious fights over truly trivial matters.
Picking unnecessary fights is one of narcissists’ tactics to make you feel inferior to them. They would lash out at you for the most insignificant things, like how you loaded the dishwasher. And in their anger, they will try to make you feel stupid only to make themselves feel more competent and boost their ego.
4. If you do not have firm boundaries and your strategy is to keep giving in to avoid fights, things will only get worse.
You might be a natural-born giver, but narcissists are only capable of receiving. They can never return the love, care, and unconditional support you grant them. They can only take it away from you. That is because a typical relationship where one of the partners has a narcissistic personality is a “ME” relationship. They are only concerned about their own wellbeing and do things that would benefit their own needs. Although being in a couple means being a team player and making compromises, the only thing a narcissist cares about is their own comfort. Hence…
5. Your love and empathy will not make a difference.
Unfortunately, this is not a situation that love can cure. The majority of narcissists are incapable of changing their personalities for the sake of their relationships. No matter how much they say they love you, the thing they love the most in this world remains themselves. Their self-centeredness always comes first.
Instead of seeing their relationship as a partnership, narcissists perceive it as ownership, where they are the owners. With every move, they try to maintain the control they believe they have, even if it means manipulating their loved ones. And as they ensure their superiority, they demand their personal needs to be higher on the priority ladder than the needs of their partner.
So, sadly, the answer is no. It is almost impossible to maintain a balanced and healthy romantic relationship with a narcissist. Eventually, you will feel drained from giving so much love to a person who only knows how to take. In Greenberg’s words, “the best long-term romantic relationship with a narcissist is the one you decline to have.”