It is normal in any relationship to think critically about the dynamic of your relationship and wonder if maybe there’s someone better out there for you. Don’t get me wrong, at no point would I ever suggest staying with an abuser, a gaslighter, a manipulator, or psychopath. If you feel like you are abused or in danger, don’t stay in that relationship. Having no one is better than being with an abuser.
But if your partner is an otherwise good person, don’t go looking for something better just because they might be out there somewhere.
They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but beware, you don’t know what’s up with that grass. It could be fake turf for all you know. And once you hop the fence, you can’t go back. If you’ve got something good, don’t let it go, otherwise you may end up with something worse.
When you have something good, hold onto it.
It’s easy to think about all the ways your partner could be better or your relationship can improve and just say “to hell with it” and break it off. But if you really do have something good, don’t just let it go because it could be better. Work hard to make it better. Hold onto it. Have frank, open conversations about your needs. Make plans together. Work to improve each other and the relationship. Hold onto the good thing you have.
All relationships take work. Sometimes it’s a lot of work. But they’re worth it. And remember, there really is no “the one” out there. There’s no perfect match for you. I heard something once that stuck with me: don’t look for “the one.” Look for “the .7” and work your ass off to make up the difference. And chances are, you’re only their .7 too.
When you have something good, keep it safe.
When you get to thinking that the good thing you’ve got going on might not be that great, the tendency can be developed to be kind of cavalier with it. To ignore it. To say things carelessly. To not really care so much about development, improvement, and making your relationship the best that it can be. But don’t be careless and cavalier when you have something good. Instead, keep it safe.
Keep your partner safe, secure, and happy. Treat them with respect and dignity. Give them your full attention and your full heart. Let them know that you will keep them safe for all of your years together.
When you have something good, cherish it.
When you stop and consider that you only live one time, all of the relationships you experience in your life become so much more meaningful. Even platonic ones, but especially romantic ones. If you’re with someone good, if you have a good thing going for yourself, cherish it every day. Maybe it’s not perfect and maybe it won’t last forever, but it’s special. Each moment of our lives is important, and this relationship you have occupies these special moments.
When you have something good, don’t look for something better.
If the culmination of my life’s experiences have taught me one thing, it is that the universe is chaotic, you aren’t owed anything, and the odds aren’t always good. It’s wrong to say that there’s someone out there for everyone. It’s not true. Some people live their lives, start to finish, alone. There wasn’t anyone there for them. Maybe there could have been, but it never materialized.
So if you have something good, if you have a partner you do love, even if it’s not a perfect relationship, don’t go looking for something better.
You could end up with something worse, and maybe even nothing at all. Instead, hold onto them. Try to improve your relationship. Try to build a fuller love. Keep it safe and cherish it.