Many of us have wondered what is the difference between loving someone and being in love with them.
The way a certain person makes you feel about them tells everything.
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” What does it really mean? It can’t be only a cheesy lie people tell to excuse their behavior, there has to be a deeper meaning. If you give it a thought, it would probably start to make sense for you, and you would recognize the difference.
Here are 7 things that will help you tell the difference between loving and being in love with someone.
1. Partnership vs. ownership
Being in love is all about partnership. A healthy relationship requires mutual trust and equality. On the other hand, loving someone is usually about ownership. You love your siblings because they somehow belong to you. Just like your parents love you because they basically own you to a certain level.
However, when it comes to your best friend, things can vary. That’s because at first, you love them because in some way they are yours. But you can also fall in love with them, and build a trustworthy partnership. Actually, falling in love with your best friend is perhaps the best kind of love between two souls.
2. Sharing mutual goals vs. supporting your partner’s dreams
When you are in love with someone, you become a part of their success. Not only you cheer them and support their dreams, but their goals become yours too. Your paths collide, and your future seems brighter because you are building it together. Besides, you are willing to go out of your way to help your significant other realize their dreams.
On the contrary, loving someone means you are there for them and root for them, but you do it from the sidelines. Even though you support them, you don’t get too emotionally invested in their goals.
3. Being in love changes, loving doesn’t
No matter how many times you fight with your parents, deep down you still love them the same as always. Loving your family doesn’t change over time. This kind of love usually lasts forever.
However, being in love can change instantaneously, especially if your feelings have been hurt. It’s not always easy to keep the spark alive. Life is not a romantic comedy where you only fall in love once and it lasts for good. We constantly fall in and out of love.
4. Wanting vs. needing
You need the people you love to be around. It’s sometimes hard to imagine being away from your friends or family for a long time. Aside from that, when you are in love with someone, you want them to be happy, regardless of what it might take.
Of course, you want your family to be happy too. The difference is, being in love makes you cherish your partner’s happiness more than your own. Even if that means you’re out of the picture.
5. Emotions vs. reason
Emotions are always the leading element when it comes to being in love. You let your feelings and intuition guide you, no matter how illogical a situation might be. Admit it, being in love with someone can make you change moods like a rollercoaster.
Usually, the decisions you make when you’re in love are a product of your current state of mind. In contrast, when you love someone, you are led by reasonable arguments. You don’t rush into conclusions before you look rationally at the situation.
6. Expectations and effort
Sometimes you need to put a lot of effort into your relationships with your parents or your friends. You might even struggle here and there to keep the good energies flowing around you. Besides, you also expect them to do the same, and to love you as you love them.
Falling in love is quite the opposite. It hits you faster than a flash of lightning, and you never really see it coming. It’s more than effortless because this kind of love is unpredictable and unexpected. As silly as it may sound, you just wake up one day, and boom, you’re in love.
7. The choice of loving someone vs. the unpredictability of falling in love
You have the power to chose who to love and how much of yourself to give them. Sometimes you need to cut people off your life. Other times, you need to remind your family how much you love them. The choice is yours.
However, when it comes to falling in love, you have control over nothing.
Your emotions take over, and you can’t really help it. Most of the times you don’t even want to. It’s quite a confusing and adventurous experience, but you just go with the flow because… well, because you’re mad in love, and nothing else matters.
