The 5 characteristics of assertive people that help them get what they want
2020 has arrived and with the new year comes the wish to do certain things differently this time around, to work on our negative sides and work towards securing a better future for ourselves and our loved ones.
Furthermore, we also need to learn new lessons in order to make the most of the new year.
We need to speak up for ourselves more. To ask for what we want instead of always following the lead of others. But many believe they just don’t have it in them.
Let us take a look at a list of traits we should all work on to become the people who get what they want every time they go for it.
If you want to become more assertive, you must be aware of your own boundaries; your likes and your dislikes. Most people who have issues with being assertive will let others make decisions for them.
Look at your surroundings and start forming your own opinions; are you interested in something because you feel a true passion for it or because everyone else is doing it?
Many issues come from misunderstandings. And issues can only be resolved through dialogue and communication. When crucial tools of communication are not used properly, sharing opinions becomes hard. What could be missing is honesty, the true reason to come to an understanding, the ability to clarify what we want to say.
Knowing oneself and being able to reflect on our actions also helps in developing these communication tools. This means that a person has the ability to express their feelings in the clearest, simplest, and most truthful manner. The ability to actively and patiently listen to what others have to say.
People with a high level of assertiveness understand the true value of communication and are more than able and willing to improve the ways in which they communicate.
3. Validating what others have to say
Assertive individuals are able to validate the feelings of other people. A person may say “You’re an idiot for getting upset about this.” Instead of putting them down in such a way, an assertive person could say “I understand why you’re upset, but I am standing by my decision.” It is often enough for people to know that they are being understood.
The kind of person who can achieve what they want is one that is honest. Think about the time your partner wanted to go to a party and you wanted to stay home and relax but you didn’t speak up about it. How does that make you feel?
Do not stay home boiling in your own anger for not confronting your partner as to why they were inconsiderate of your feelings.
Honesty is a crucial part of assertiveness, no matter who you’re dealing with. People are not mind-readers and if you expect to be treated a certain way you have to be obvious about it.
5. Knowing how to set limits
We cannot have great relationships with other people unless we learn to be assertive. The truth is that we sometimes come in touch with individuals who are prone to abuse or who hold feelings of bitterness or a wish to cause harm to others. This can lead to a situation getting out of control, to which assertive people know how and when to say “enough is enough.” They are fully aware of the fact that all things have limits and that there are situations that demand them to draw clear boundaries.
Along those lines, they cannot always live up to the expectations and needs of others. Eventually, this lets in feelings of guilt or blame that often go unacknowledged. However, an assertive person can always say “no” without creating unnecessary conflict.
If you wish to learn more about how to become more assertive check out this Assertiveness Training playlist by Professor Jordan B. Peterson.
How do you go about becoming a more assertive person yourself? Share your story with us in the comments section and please share this article if you enjoyed the read.