When you boil it down, there’s nothing wrong with being an emotionally unavailable person.
There are a lot of reasons for an individual to be this way, from past abuses to simply being unready to be emotionally available.
Emotionally unavailable people tend to keep their distance, rarely talk about their feelings or the relationship as a whole, and tend to just be generally evasive when it comes to opening up. Emotionally unavailable people don’t make good long term partners.
If you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people, these 5 reasons could be why.
1. You aren’t emotionally available yourself.
It can be hard to own up to this, but sometimes we aren’t as emotionally available as we think we are. We can carry the scars of past emotional abuse and neglect with us for a very long time. They may seem healed, but they can also run deep and change the way we behave in ways we don’t expect.
If you seem to push away people who are emotionally available and attract those who are not, the latter may simply be responding to your emotional unavailability as well. Consider this: do you have trouble fully letting go and exposing your inner, emotional self to others? Are you still holding your cards close to your chest? The issue may be that you just aren’t as emotionally available as you might think you are.
Sometimes other people pick up on things about ourselves that we don’t pick up on consciously. People looking for a long-term relationship may see it in our actions and hear it in our words that we aren’t quite ready for a long-term relationship without us even realizing that that’s what we’re communicating. It can be challenging to see and hear yourself from the outside.
And in the same way, people who aren’t emotionally available and aren’t looking for a long-term relationship may see you as someone on their level, as someone who wants or doesn’t want the same things as them.
3. You’re stuck on someone else.
When you’re still stuck on a past lover, it can be hard, if not impossible to hide. People ready for a stable, emotionally fulfilling long-term relationship probably aren’t looking for someone who’s still missing their last partner.
In the same way that people can pick up on you being emotionally unavailable or not ready for a long-term relationship, they can pick up on you still being stuck on a past partner. You may bring them up too much without realizing it or not seem fully ready to move on. Emotionally unavailable people are commonly in the same boat, which could be part of the reason why you’re more likely to attract them than an emotionally available person.
4. You’ve been hurt too many times.
When you’ve been hurt too many times, you may find yourself quite emotionally available but just unable to put your guard down. You’re always looking for the ulterior motive, the real reason someone is opening themselves up to you. You might be able to open up some in return, but if you’re always on your guard, you may be pushing away emotionally available partners.
Emotionally unavailable people also often have their guard up, which could be why you’re more likely to attract them.
5. You think you can “fix” emotionally unavailable people.
This point is probably the greatest mistake of all. You can’t fix people. You can’t change people. Change has to come from within. Nothing about you will inspire an emotionally unavailable person to suddenly become emotionally available to you. That’s just not how it works.
There are a number of reasons why you are attracting emotionally unavailable people, and for the most part, those reasons are you.
Ultimately, you’re responsible for knowing yourself and making the choices that your heart truly wants you to make.