People say that marriage is the hardest job in the world.
Research shows that divorce rates in the West fall at about 50%.
But what are the most common signs of a defective marriage and what can we do to save it?
1. Everything turns into a fight
We all fight sometimes, but no marriage can survive if the couple constantly fights over the smallest things. If all your conversations end in an argument, it is a clear sign that something bigger is hiding in the shadows than you want to admit.
2. You often catch yourself fantasizing about life without your partner
Most people who have ever been married long enough for the ‘butterflies’ effect to have worn off have likely fantasized about single life at some point. But, if you find yourself thinking about living life on your own on a constant basis, your marriage is in trouble. And if you have gone as far as checking for apartments, that trouble can be destructive.
3. Words void of feeling
You might say, “I love you” as a habit, yet you don’t truly mean it. You don’t give and you don’t receive compliments. Maybe you even no longer kiss each other. Those displays of affection have gradually been disappearing and as a result, divorce is breathing down your necks.
4. Intimacy has become a thing of the past
You rarely have sex anymore… or not at all. You’ve stopped cuddling and kissing. You barely even touch each other at all. And none of these things foretell a positive future. Healthy relationships involve plenty of physical intimacy. If you and your partner are lacking any of these things, that will surely affect both your self-esteem and your marriage as a whole.
5. You’ve stopped confiding in each other
You don’t talk about your life anymore either because you believe your partner won’t be interested, or you just don’t feel like having this conversation with them. You might have had a great day with your best friend, but you don’t mention it to your spouse. There might not even be a particular reason for this… you just don’t think there’s a point in telling them. This clearly shows that you see yourself as a lone wolf, rather than one half of a couple.
What can you do about it?
- Don’t expect your partner to be the first one to change. You must take responsibility for making the necessary changes in your own behavior. And once you start doing this, you will likely find that your spouse is changing too. Maybe it will take some time, but be patient, it will happen.
- Give praise when it’s due. Appreciate the little things and notice when your partner does something positive. They will be pleasantly surprised and once you start making them feel good about themselves they will do more to please you in return.
- Be a good listener. Do not retreat into your own shell and let their words pass by unheard. Stop what you’re doing and start paying attention to your partner. They deserve your full, uninterrupted attention. Even if you truly are busy, still, listen properly, and tell them you will give them your full attention as soon as you are done with the task at hand.
- Make time for each other. If you do not, your marriage is doomed to fail. Sit next to each other. Plan a night out. Go to the mountain. Spend time in the garden. Do nothing together if you will, just be by each other’s side, no matter the location.
Doing all or some of these things will show your partner that you still care and are willing to fight for what you have. It’s never too late to save your marriage.
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