10 FAKE APOLOGIES you will hear from a NARCISSIST
We are all human, therefore, we all make mistakes. Thankfully, some of us are decent enough to genuinely apologize and do their best to fix the damage they caused.
However, there are still far too many narcissistic people who have little to no empathy for others.
They do not feel the need to apologize whenever they do something wrong. What is more, they even tend to hold others responsible for their own mistakes.
But there is something much more important to narcissists than refusing to admit they are wrong.
This essential trait of theirs is preserving their image. So, if apologizing will help them, they would do it even if they don’t mean it. And in most cases, they don’t.
When narcissists apologize, they do it in a way that makes the other person feel uncomfortable for being treated wrong. They are masters of manipulation, which makes it easy for them to convince you that you were never right to blame them. Moreover, even when they say they are sorry, they rather downplay the situation, invalidate your opinion, and make countless excuses.
Below are listed 10 fake apologies repeatedly used by narcissists.
1. “I was just…”
When a narcissist is trying to minimize their immoral actions, they often say things like “I was just joking” or “I was simply trying to help.” They believe that by presenting the situation in a way that would make things seem less serious, they would get away with anything.
2. “I’m sorry that you…”
Anyone who has been in a narcissist’s orbit in one way or another knows that blame-shifting is a major characteristic of their behavioral pattern. Therefore, it’s only natural that they would imply this in their ways of handling an apology. Instead of taking full responsibility for their actions, they would say things like: “I’m sorry that you think what I’ve done is wrong.” or “I’m sorry that you took things too seriously.”
3. “I’m sorry if…”
When someone says the word ‘if’ in the middle of their apology, this vividly indicates they don’t believe they have anything to be sorry for. A narcissist might say: “I’m sorry if you got offended by what I said.” or “I’m sorry if you feel bad for what I did.” This is a type of conditional justification that shifts the focus from their mistake and places it on the way the other person has felt or reacted.
4. “But I have already…”
Perhaps you are well aware that people with robust narcissistic personalities are quite experienced when it comes to escaping from problems they have caused themselves. One way they do it is by stating they have already apologized for the same mistake before. In their minds, if something has happened before and they have already said they were sorry, they don’t need to do it every time. They might try to avoid the conflict by saying: “But I have already said I’m sorry.” This way, they make you feel guilty for pointing out something you have already told them is making you feel bad.
5. “I probably…”
Another way narcissists minimize the severity of the problem is by acting like they actually realize their mistake. When they say things like “I probably shouldn’t have done that.” or “I probably should ask the next time.” they aim to make you believe what they did was not as harmful as you thought.
6. “You know I…”
Narcissists are creatures that are completely convinced that others are obligated to praise them and to admire their greatness. That is why they believe that the people around them think they would never do anything immoral or indecent. But when they do such a thing, and they get caught, they get out of the situation by saying: “You know I would never do anything to hurt you.” or “You know I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” These toxic phrases imply that you shouldn’t be mad at them for what they did.
7. “I guess I…”
This type of apology is pretty much click-bait. They show you that they understand the situation requires for them to say they are sorry, but they don’t actually apologize for anything. Comments like “I guess I should say I am sorry.” do not have the same value as a genuine apology.
8. “I will apologize if…”
When someone tells you they would do something for you, only if you do something in return, their intentions cannot be selfless or authentic. A narcissist would say: “I will apologize if you agree to stop mentioning this.” to be sure that they would never have to admit their mistakes again.
9. “I’m sorry, but…”
A person cannot be truly regretful of their faults if they try to convince you they have nothing to be sorry about in the very same sentence they say “I’m sorry”. So, when someone tells you: “I’m sorry, but you made me do it.” or “I’m sorry, but I was only trying to protect you.” they are not pure in their apology.
10. “Enough already…”
When a narcissist gets triggered by a situation that requires a serious explanation of their behavior, they might get a bit aggressive in their tone. Saying things like “Give me a break! I’m sorry, okay?!” makes their attempt to apologize look a lot more like a threat. It hardly ever leads to making the situation better.
Fake apologies are narcissists’ specialty when it comes to preserving their image. However, sooner or later, their lack of empathy and their indecency inevitably comes to light.