Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you thought you knew extremely well, but it turned out you were wrong the whole time?
Sometimes, love makes us blind to our partners’ flaws and unhealthy habits. Unfortunately, they often turn out to be narcissistic, toxic human beings, that drain all of our energy and give us nothing in return. And just because we think we love them, we let them walk over us and take advantage of our goodness.
Here are 13 signs your ex was secretly a manipulative narcissist.
1. Rules were only referring to you.
While you were still together, your ex was behaving like they were above any rules. However, they demanded you to follow theirs. All boundaries and limits in your relationship were applying only to you. Whenever they broke a rule, it was not a big deal. But when you did, they would get extremely aggressive and offended by your actions.
2. They constantly made you feel worthless.
You can’t even remember a time when you were genuinely happy to be with this person. They were constantly making you feel unimportant and weak. Your relationship felt more like a vicious competition than a loving partnership. What’s worse, whenever you achieved something truly admirable, they acted as if it was nothing.
3. They never supported you.
Your ex was too busy to support you and actually be there for you. Besides, they never really believed in you and your dreams. They were too self-centered to care about another person’s life goals. It almost felt like even though you two were a couple, you weren’t a significant part of their life.
4. They were always proving something.
Your previous partner always had to be the best at everything. They would do wonders just to prove they were the strongest, the most intelligent, and the most alluring person everywhere they go. At first, their devotion seemed attractive to you, but you later realized that it was more of an addiction.
5. Every conversation was about them.
This is a common trait for narcissists. Whenever you tried to talk about yourself, they would instantly turn the conversation back to themselves. Any other topic was just not entertaining enough for them. They would quickly lose interest if they had to talk about something else but themselves.
6. Their reputation was everything.
It was always a matter of reputation for your ex. They cared too much about what would other people say, and too little about you. Everyone just had to thing the best of them. This was their main motivation whenever they started doing something. It was never about success or happiness. It was all about their popularity and likability amongst others.
7. They always made excuses.
When it comes to excuses, your ex was pretty creative. They would go to extremes to make up an excuse for their toxic behavior, instead of apologizing. Scapegoating was their go-to move in these situations. Whenever they did something wrong, they would blame it on someone else, on the weather, or on circumstances they couldn’t control.
8. They constantly needed validation.
They recharged their energy by receiving admiration from others. People around them always had to shower them with compliments. And if they didn’t, your ex would quickly become annoyed, roll their eyes, and start talking about their accomplishments. Maybe at first, you didn’t see it, but in the end, this habit of theirs was too pathetic to stand.
9. They felt entitled.
Your former partner was always acting like the world owed them something. Everyone else had to be gratified for their existence. They just walked all over everything like they owned it. The people hurt by their actions didn’t really matter. All that was important for them was to let everyone know they were in the center of everything.
10. Everything had to be their way.
Compromising was never their strength. They would go mental if things didn’t go as they wanted them to. Everything just needed to be their way, or else they would become aggressive or even obscene. You didn’t enjoy this side of theirs, so you just let them have whatever they wanted because you thought it was for the better.
11. You were living in a constant drama.
Instead of having a pleasant romantic relationship, what you had was an exhausting dramatic one. Drama was all over you two. There was always something tense and emotional happening around your previous partner. It was all too melodramatic for you.
12. They tried to manipulate you.
Somehow, your ex always knew what to do or say to get what they wanted. They were so good at making you do whatever they wanted you to, that you didn’t even realize they were just manipulating you. As time passed, they got to know you well enough to know which tactic will work on you, and what to say to soften you.
13. You almost lost yourself in this relationship.
You were too invested in your partner and this relationship that you were slowly losing yourself. The whole time, you cared too much about them, that you left your own wellbeing behind. You were constantly trying to please their needs and make them happy, that you forgot what it was like to feel good in your own skin. Luckily, you didn’t completely lose sense of who you were, and you managed to get out of their toxic impact on time.