Some people never grow up, do they?
Somehow they stop their mental development at 16, and they continue clinging onto their parents until the rest of their lives. Despite having the looks of adults, they never stop seeking their mother’s care in all of their relationships. Relatable?
When such childish people are searching for the love of their life, they are actually looking for someone who would take care of them just like their mamas always did. Even if some of them refuse to admit it, they secretly want their partners to watch over them as a caring parent would do. They are not looking for passionate love – they are looking for someone to keep an eye on them and to always be there whenever they feel lost.
The connection between a parent and a child is simple. The parent looks after the child. But could this connection be healthy if applied between romantic partners? What could go wrong? The answer, unfortunately, is – A lot!
What are you looking for in a meaningful relationship?
Security, dedication, appreciation, empathy, affection? Perhaps all of these and more. The key is that it should all be mutual. But it can never be two-sided when the person you’re in a couple with acts like a child.
Romantic relationships require devotion to last. They should be founded on trust, respect, and, of course, love. Most importantly, the partners should act and fees as equals. Ideally, they should share similar goals and compatible views for their future. Besides, they should be able to talk about everything and anything without feeling uncomfortable, scared, or insecure.
For example, you and your partner should be able to discuss your sex life openly. It is a significant part of your relationship. Therefore, it is a subject you should feel free to address. However, if you are dating someone with the mindset of an immature teenager, sex becomes an overlooked topic in your conversations.
In fact, every single issue eventually turns into a taboo since suchlike people are unable to face their problems as grown-ups. Whenever you need to talk something through, or you’re having an argument, a childish partner would either refuse to listen or will give you the silent treatment. Either way, they would not handle the situation as adults who are aware that every relationship goes through difficulties. Instead, they would handle it as a 5-year-old would – by waiting for the issue to fix itself.
Why do we fall for people who look like adults but act like juveniles?
Unfortunately, you can’t truly tell someone’s personality at first sight. The first impression these people make often fools you. Initially, you find the fact that they are unusually emotional fascinating. You admire the closeness they have with their family, especially with their mothers. You don’t even try to question their defensiveness, as you assume they are simply standing their ground, which is also an admirable trait. Something in their nature triggers you to take care of them as you would take care of a wounded puppy.
But eventually, everything starts adding up, and you realize you’ve been dating a child in the body of an adult. Though, it takes quite a while until you open your eyes and see what kind of person you have actually been dealing with.
What happens when you finally understand the truth about this person?
Sooner or later, you see all the red flags you have been ignoring. They complain about everything that doesn’t happen their way, they prioritize their own needs even when in a committed relationship, they cannot handle difficulties, and they still have their mothers on speed dial, just in case they forget how to adult. In other words, they refuse to grow up. But that’s not your problem to fix.
You are not obligated to act as a parent to your significant other. You should be their partner in crime, their best friend, their lover, their rock, but never their parent.
Nevertheless, you decide who to date and who to avoid letting into your life. If you are willing to nurture a relationship with someone who sees you as a guardian rather than an equal, that’s fine. Otherwise, you should know that you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, respects your devotion, and is as dedicated to your bond as you are. You deserve to be loved with the same passion you love. You deserve mutual commitment. Anything else is just not worth it.