Understanding your loved one’s trauma is a love language

Every person has their own way of expressing and perceiving love. Each one of us has a unique understanding of the essence of this enchanting feeling. However, through the years, we have summed up the different love languages into five categories: Words of affirmation, Gifts, Acts of service, Quality time, and Physical touch.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the book ‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts’, the key to a successful romantic relationship is discovering your partner’s love language and regularly putting that valuable knowledge into practice. If you put no effort into getting to know your significant other’s perception of love, you cannot expect your relationship to last long and thrive.

For a healthy romantic bond, both partners need to invest in learning each other’s love languages.

And when they do, they need to be willing to adapt and compromise for their connection to be wholesome and flourishing.

When you are familiar with someone’s love language, you hold the key to both their heart and mind. You have a special insight into the nature of their personality. This way, you can come up with the most effective ways to meet their emotional needs.

Although the widely-acknowledged love languages are five, there is something else we must consider when it comes to our romantic relationships. This additional factor is emotional trauma. Knowing what your significant other has been through is crucial for the course of the connection between you two.

Many of us have scars from past relationships, childhood trauma, and mental health issues that we would do anything to erase from our memory. Unfortunately, there is no such option, so when we seek love, we need or partners to understand our pain and accept us along with the emotional burden we carry.

You can’t love someone who has been through hell the same way you love someone who has never experienced real emotional pain. 

A person whose heart has been broken many times requires a special type of tenderness and affection. If your loved one is someone who has been emotionally damaged in the past, you need to be extra careful. They are probably struggling with issues you have no idea about, which is why you will also need lots of patience. As their partner, you are the person who can help them on their journey to overcoming their trauma.

When you are in a relationship with someone who is still battling their demons, you naturally become the light in the tunnel for them. Your love gives them the strength to keep fighting. It encourages them to never stop moving forward. It makes them feel at home. And this feeling makes them forget about the pain, even if it’s just for a little while.

You and your loved one will be truly bonded only when you see and accept each other’s vulnerabilities.

Whether you have been through hell or not, for your relationship to be going strong, you need to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You need to create a safe environment where both of you can let go of trust issues and other insecurities you might be struggling with. In other words, you need to feel free to be yourself when spending quality time with each other.

While you are not obligated to fix anyone or deal with someone’s personal trauma, you do need to be honest about it. If you feel it’s not your job to help a certain person cope with their own pain, you must be clear about this before you lead them on.

On the other hand, if you are sincerely willing to connect with someone on an emotional level, you must be aware that they come with baggage. We all do. That is exactly why we need to be deeply mindful when we welcome other people in our lives.

Because when you love someone, you should be there for them not only in their happiest moments but also in their darkest hours. And if they are still fighting with their demons, you need to join the fight and help them prevail. That’s probably the most powerful love language of them all.

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