The sex technique ‘karezza’ could revitalize your relationship

What is the ideal intercourse for you? The common conception of great sex is that it must end in orgasm for both partners.

However, for those practicing ‘karezza‘, it’s quite the opposite. Not climaxing is indeed the point of this technique.

In karezza, the sex doesn’t culminate in orgasm, but that doesn’t mean there’s no pleasure.

The name ‘karezza’ comes from the Italian word ‘carezza’, which means caress. This style focuses on mellow, affectionate lovemaking, where the goal is stimulating intimacy, and deepening the connection between the partners. There are also various bonding approaches like deep breathing, kissing, gentle touching, eye-gazing, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact.

Talking about karezza with HuffPost, Jesse Kahn, sex therapist, and director of the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York, says:

“Karezza’s goal is not about orgasming, nor is it about the tension and excitement that produces orgasms. It’s much slower and low tension.” 

The term was coined by Dr. Alice Binker Stockham in her book “Karezza, Ethics of Marriage” from 1896.

According to Nan Wise, a New Jersey sex therapist, and neuroscientist, there are several reasons the author advocates karezza.

“…as a method of birth control — perhaps not the best method since the ‘pre-ejaculate fluid’ released by the penis can contain live sperm — as a practice to encourage and enhance marital intimacy and improve equality between the sexes by prioritizing female sexual pleasure.”

Here are a few ways the sex technique ‘karezza’ can revitalize your relationship and fire up the spark between you and your partner.

Karezza lets you be present in the moment

Sometimes all you crave is having an orgasm, and you don’t let yourself appreciate the moment. When you don’t pay attention to the sensational present, you might lose that deep connection between you and your significant other that makes the sex so damn good.

In Wise’s opinion, a ‘watched orgasm never boils‘. In other words, the second we start thinking about chasing the orgasm, we lose the momentum.

“The present moment is where pleasure happens. If we are in our heads, we aren’t in our bodies, and if we aren’t in the experience of our bodies, sexual pleasure stalls.”

This sex technique lowers sex-related performance anxiety

Sex is not a race where the prize is reaching an orgasm. According to the sex therapist Vanessa Marin, focusing on climaxing is more likely to make the sex a lot less pleasant for most people.

“Sex ends up feeling like a race to the finish, like the moments leading up to orgasm aren’t important.”

Unfortunately, there are still women who are having trouble orgasming from their partner’s touch. However, if they practice ‘karezza’, they would be relieved from the pressure of faking and pretending, just to tickle someone’s ego. Not only women but also men experiencing orgasmic challenges can benefit from this technique.

The main point is that the gentle touch and the deep emotional connection between the partners is far more important and pleasing than the actual culmination during sex. Knowing there are other ways to establish that sensational feeling is indeed stress-relieving.

Karezza makes you feel closer to your partner

During a karezza experience, partners release the ‘cuddle hormone’ oxytocin. Soft kissing, warm touching, and compassionate skin-to-skin contact create the feeling of happiness and well-being.

That’s why this technique works in a way that makes you intensely connected, not only physically but also emotionally to your partner. This helps couples having troubles getting along with each other to establish new stronger and healthier bonds.

The karezza sex lasts longer

When your focus is on the present moment, rather the orgasmic culmination, the sex can last as long as you want. Besides, it extremely lowers the chance of difference between the time when each of the partners experience the climax. That’s because they are feeling the pleasure of sex during the whole intercourse. As you crave the caress and the intimacy of your partner more than the orgasm, sex can endure az long as you please.

Before you try karezza

Here’s what you need to know before you try this technique.

Firstly, this sex style can be practiced not only by serious, committed couples but also from fresh partners. You don’t have to be in a long-term relationship to experience the pleasure of karezza. However, having in mind the intimacy it might give you, it is a bit more beneficial for couples who have already established a certain level of trust and mutual respect.

In other words, don’t try karezza on your first date, especially if you’re not sure you can trust this person yet.

Practice on yourself first

Some individual work might help you develop awareness of your own desires. It’s not all about the physical touch here. Mindfulness techniques such as yoga and meditation can also assist you in clarifying your personal cravings.

According to Wise, masturbating is another approach that you can use to practice karezza.

“We need to learn how to play our own pleasure instruments — our bodies — before we can play in a band — or have sex with another person.”

Talk to your partner

Communication is key. You can talk about what kind of outcome you would like to achieve, or set some boundaries if you need. In case your partner hasn’t heard of karezza, share with them what you already know, and encourage them to make a research of their own, so both of you are on the same page. The satisfaction of the process needs to be mutual.

Don’t rush anything

Karezza is not suitable for people who prefer need-for-speed kind of sex. You need to slow things down a bit. It may feel a bit odd in the beginning, but taking small steps will make things more comfortable and smoother for you and your partner. Vanessa Marin advises:

“First, try just spending a session with each other where you focus on touching each other all over your bodies. Don’t even think of it as ‘sex,’ just think of it as trying to slow down and pay more attention to touch.”

Look for what makes you bond physically and emotionally

Figure out what gives you the feeling of a deep connection between you two. Try implementing things that bring you closer to one another and sync your energies. Switch positions, give yourselves massages, gaze into each other’s eyes – whatever feels natural and works for you. In fact, synchronizing your breathing patterns can help you stay present in the moment and appreciate the current sensation.

Lastly, if you do reach an orgasm, that’s completely fine. It’s not considered a failure in karezza.

The point is not to take it as a prize or a trophy. You need to be gentle and let all your senses come to life. In the sex technique karezza, the orgasmic culmination is the feeling of your energies collide and become one.

After all, wouldn’t it be more satisfying to rejoice in the whole experience, rather than just a few seconds at the end of it?

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