emotional – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com Thu, 11 Jul 2019 12:12:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.3.2 https://iheartintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/cropped-IHI-square-32x32.png emotional – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com 32 32 How emotional intelligence helps mental toughness https://iheartintelligence.com/emotional-intelligence-helps-mental-toughness/ Thu, 11 Jul 2019 12:12:59 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=47771 The post How emotional intelligence helps mental toughness appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

How emotional intelligence helps mental toughness

Mental toughness, or the ability to be resilient and responsive in difficult circumstances, is rarely considered in the realm of emotional intelligence. Good leaders, though, understand that being mentally tough is actually somewhat dependent on emotional intelligence: you can’t have mental toughness and low emotional intelligence. In fact, the best leaders not only understand the […]

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How emotional intelligence helps mental toughness

Mental toughness, or the ability to be resilient and responsive in difficult circumstances, is rarely considered in the realm of emotional intelligence.

Good leaders, though, understand that being mentally tough is actually somewhat dependent on emotional intelligence: you can’t have mental toughness and low emotional intelligence.

In fact, the best leaders not only understand the importance of emotional intelligence to mental toughness, they cultivate it and use it.

Here are three ways how:

They know empathy is essential. Many leaders brought onboard because of their tough leadership skills end up burned out and exhausted employees with when they are hard on their employees all day, every day. It feels like bullying, and it might actually be. Consultant Jennifer Shafiro learned this the hard way, after watching her employees get burned out. While she’d been brought on as a tough leader, she found that she needed to get to know her team, understand where they were coming from, and be able to envision their world from their perspective, in order to lead effectively. Not everyone responds to a tough, no-nonsense, non-empathic leader.

Emotions don’t mean you’re weak. Alpha-style leadership is effective in some places, namely military applications.

This kind of leadership, however, doesn’t translate well to the civilian world, where leaders need to understand at some level the complexity of their employees. Just telling them to do their job and that’s it doesn’t take into account the myriad emotional, mental, physical and other issues the employees may have. Not to mention, it doesn’t allow the leader to have emotions. Being in touch with your emotions and those of the people around you makes you a more effective leader, not a less effective one. You can tap into and access your employees in ways that hard-line alpha leaders cannot, and therefore help them in ways that make them better employees and better people.

It’s really important to know that understanding emotions doesn’t mean letting them overwhelm you. You can be compassionate and empathetic to your employees without getting involved in their lives or getting caught up in their emotions. It’s incredibly important to be able to uphold that barrier between understanding and becoming overwhelmed by others’ emotions, whether they are employees or friends or even relatives. Your emotions are YOURS and theirs are THEIRS. It’s essential to understand this to ensure you aren’t getting caught up in trying to deal with another person’s emotions.

We can easily see how emotional intelligence can actually provide a supportive role to people in leadership positions, people with friends or relatives going through a hard time, or just anyone for whom the more aggressive, more alpha style is where they are comfortable.

What do you think?

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Psychologists Found What Makes People Attractive https://iheartintelligence.com/what-makes-people-attractive/ Thu, 16 Nov 2017 14:27:09 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=31096 The post Psychologists Found What Makes People Attractive appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

What do you find attractive in other people? A round butt? A sharp intellect? Or is it “just something about them”? Attraction is one of the greatest mysteries of humankind. Whole industries have been built around claiming to know the secret to it’s activation. Whether your own methods are as simple as perfume or aftershave, or as […]

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What do you find attractive in other people? A round butt? A sharp intellect? Or is it “just something about them”?

Attraction is one of the greatest mysteries of humankind.

Whole industries have been built around claiming to know the secret to it’s activation. Whether your own methods are as simple as perfume or aftershave, or as radical as plastic surgery, there is no doubt you have fallen victim to this mindset. We all want to be attractive – physically, intellectually, and even spiritually. It’s a part of human nature.

What attracts us to others can be difficult to articulate. Even if the words come, they often don’t paint the whole picture. Attraction is such a broad and complex topic that it seems impossible to pin down. It’s even further complicated by cultural and personal preference.

What is  to me might be repellent to you, and vice versa.

This is what makes the topic such an interesting one in the world of science.

A recent study sought to understand this great mystery. Whether you agree with their findings or not, it’s an interesting read full of surprising and thought-provoking points.

Scientists and Professors from the University of Lubeck recruited nearly one hundred subjects – half men and half women – to engage in two experiments. One was a behavioral study. The other observed behavior as well as brain activity through use of fMRI technology. Both groups watched videos of six women who expressed either fear or sadness. Then, they were asked to evaluate the women’s emotions and describe their level of confidence in their answers.

In the first experiment, researchers asked the subjects to report their level of attraction to each woman. They also used a motivational-behavioral framework to determine attraction. In the second, they used fMRI images to measure activity in the brain’s “reward system” that is present during interpersonal attraction. The researchers were then able to compare the subjects’ self-reported level of attraction with the observed brain activity.

Amazingly, they found the strongest predictor of attraction to be not physical appearance, but emotional understanding.

When a participant felt confident that they had successfully read a woman’s emotional state, they perceived her as being more attractive.

This correlation was confirmed by the neurological imaging. As Silke Anders, author of the study and professor of Social and Affective Neuroscience, explained, “What I believe makes our findings really exciting is the fact that understanding and personal attraction seem to depend on both the sender’s brain and the perceiver’s brain, and on how well they match.”

In addition to an emotional connection, Anders points out, there may be similar brain circuitry between two individuals who find themselves attracted to one another. “If the emotional signals sent by a sender – for example, a facial express of fear or sadness – can efficiently be processed by the perceiver’s brain, then their reward system will fire and they will feel attracted to the sender.”

Researchers also found that brain activity within the anterior insula cortex (the region of the brain associated with emotional awareness) and the ventral striatum (the “reward system”) are very similar. Activity in the emotional awareness region appears to mimic activity in the reward system, and vice-versa. When we are attracted to someone, we are more eager to understand their emotions, and we feel more gratified when we do so successfully.

Instant attraction has long been thought to result primarily from physical and genetic compatibility.

According to this research, however, emotional understanding between two partners may be even more important. Judith Orloff  once wrote, “I don’t care how intelligent or attractive someone is, if he zaps your energy, he isn’t for you. True chemistry is more than intellectual compatibility. Beyond surfaces, you must be intuitively at ease.” Perhaps the was on to something.

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Research Confirms, Emotional Hangovers Are Real https://iheartintelligence.com/research-emotional-hangover/ Tue, 10 Jan 2017 15:53:21 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=24482 The post Research Confirms, Emotional Hangovers Are Real appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Research Confirms, Emotional Hangovers Are Real

Have you ever woken up after an emotionally taxing night with a pounding head, a queasy stomach, and an overall sense that your life had gone off course? Did this confuse you, since you had wisely decided not to drink away your troubles the night before? Did your shame, regret, and feelings of illness feel […]

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Research Confirms, Emotional Hangovers Are Real

Have you ever woken up after an emotionally taxing night with a pounding head, a queasy stomach, and an overall sense that your life had gone off course? Did this confuse you, since you had wisely decided not to drink away your troubles the night before?

Did your shame, regret, and feelings of illness feel as profoundly physical as if you had?

You, my friend, have been the victim of an emotional hangover.

Long thought to be a myth, researchers at NYU have recently confirmed the existence of this phenomenon. Their study determined that emotional hangovers are both real and biological. They affect our mind in ways that forever change our memory and response to future events. Emotional trauma can cause our memories to enhance, alter, and even to misfire – in much the same way as alcohol does.

“How we remember events is not just a consequence of the external world we experience, but is also strongly influenced by our internal states–and these internal states can persist and color future experiences,” explained Lila Davachi, an associate professor in NYU’s Department of Psychology and Center for Neural Science and senior author of the study. “Emotion is a state of mind. These findings make clear that our cognition is highly influenced by preceding experiences and, specifically, that emotional brain states can persist for long periods of time.”

Emotion is integral in the formation of memories. It has long been known that emotional experiences stay with us longer than ones that are not emotionally significant. This study expands on that concept, and finds that even non-emotional experiences are burned into our memory when they follow an emotionally charged one. Our brain remains in an emotional state even after the event has passed, and forms vivid memories accordingly.

 To complete this study, the researchers had one group of subjects view highly emotional imagery, followed by non-emotional scenes. Another group did the same, but the order was reversed. Researchers measured the mental impact of this content on the viewers using fMRI technology. They also measured their physical response through skin conductance. After six hours had passed, researchers gave each subject a memory test regarding the images.

From this process, researchers found that the group who viewed the emotional subject matter first were better able to recall the non-emotional imagery. The emotional changes in their brain were at play long after the emotion itself had passed.

“We see that memory for non-emotional experiences is better if they are encountered after an emotional event,” concluded Davachi.

Yes – the emotional hangover is real, and it changes the way our brains work. The next time you have one, go easy on yourself. Stay in bed. Give yourself permission to nurse it as you would the real thing.

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How “3D” Thinking Creates Abundance https://iheartintelligence.com/3d-thinking-abundance/ Fri, 14 Oct 2016 08:59:39 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=17680 The post How “3D” Thinking Creates Abundance appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

How "3D" Thinking Creates Abundance

Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw once said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.”  Luckily, we live in a time of phenomenal possibilities. Today you can create and manifest your highest intentions and your greatest abundance. Here’s a simple process to bring your dreams to life. “Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt?! Identify Your Personal […]

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How "3D" Thinking Creates Abundance

How "3D" Thinking Creates Abundance

Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw once said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.”  Luckily, we live in a time of phenomenal possibilities. Today you can create and manifest your highest intentions and your greatest abundance. Here’s a simple process to bring your dreams to life.
“Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt?!

Identify Your Personal Vision

How you see yourself informs your motivation. It drives your decisions about where you live, work, socialize, eat, exercise, play, and, well, evolve. So, what’s your inner “ideal” ? How do you imagine yourself doing what makes your heart sing, in an ideal location, wildly successful?  See every detail. Be bold! Write it out, or, paint it’s story and hang it on the wall.  Create your “vision” board.

In the early 90’s, Jim Carrey wrote himself a check for $10 million dollars  for “acting services rendered”, dated 1994.  He walleted his reminder until, “Dumb and Dumber”,  released in 1994, paid $10 million.

Recognize the Emotions of Abundance

When you detail your personal vision,  you’re bound to feel enthusiasm, conviction, courage, creativity and joy. Invigorated, you build confidence.  This  acts as a magnet, attracting into your world every type of support essential to fulfill your ideal.  Doubtful?  Well, quantum physics  finally proves what countless teachings have long suggested.  In the words of Einstein, “Imagination is everything.”
How Sarcasm Enhances Creative Thinking

Understand the Power of the Subconscious

When you engage all  of your senses to see abundance you practice a “3D” reality. You impress your subconscious mind.  Everything you manifest, including how your life is right now, originates in your subconscious, your field of limitless possibilities. Here are ways to  cultivate this field and replace limited beliefs with new truths.

Honor Your Authentic Self

When you succeed, everyone benefits. Your wealth, health, and emotional ’ Joie de Vivre’ ripple across the pond of your community and this beautiful planet with its own infectious light.  Isn’t time to claim your right  to the life you deserve?

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10 Signs Adulthood is Sneaking Up On You https://iheartintelligence.com/adulthood-sneaking-up/ Thu, 14 Jul 2016 07:13:29 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=19233 The post 10 Signs Adulthood is Sneaking Up On You appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

10 Signs Adulthood is Sneaking Up On You

You would think that every boy grows up to be a man eventually, but the sad truth is that many avoid this transformation at all costs. The same goes for girls becoming women – and who could blame us? Being a college kid sounds like much more fun than being a reliable parent or a […]

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10 Signs Adulthood is Sneaking Up On You

10 Signs Adulthood is Sneaking Up On You

You would think that every boy grows up to be a man eventually, but the sad truth is that many avoid this transformation at all costs. The same goes for girls becoming women – and who could blame us? Being a college kid sounds like much more fun than being a reliable parent or a diligent employee. In fact, many of us miss the moment when we have crossed over to the other side. One day you might just wake up and wonder – when did I start clipping coupons and gardening? Where did all these kids come from? When did I buy a mini-van and become a responsible member of my community?
Buy an “Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt!

Don’t let this transformation catch you off guard. Here are ten sneaky signs you might be entering real adulthood:

Your circle of friends is shrinking.

Remember that giant crowd of girls you used to hit the bars with? Where did they all go? Some might have gone shrieking off into the night in a drunken haze, while others sneak away into their own adulthood, filled with responsibilities and limitations. Don’t worry, though – your adult friendships, though fewer, will be equally close and rewarding. If you have ever called a friend in the middle of the night with a question about your baby’s rash and poop consistency, you are already there.

You’re excited to talk to your mom –

and not just because you need money. As you gain independence, it is natural for your parents to loosen the reigns a bit. Your dad will become less of an authority figure and more of a friend. Your mom’s quirks will start to seem adorable, rather than humiliating. You’ll realize they’re really kind of great and fun after all.

Pregnancy announcements are met with joy, rather than panic.

You don’t ask if she’s going to keep it. You don’t ask if he’s absolutely sure it’s his baby. It is and they are, because they’ve been married for two years now and live in a three bedroom house. They might have even thrown one of these adorable announcements up on Facebook. Speaking of which…

You’re one step behind on social media.

They lost me at Instagram, and now, according to my teenage cousin, nobody’s even doing that anymore and everyone’s on Snapchat. I’m still using Facebook with all the other moms, politely liking each other’s baby pictures and inviting one another to book clubs and family nature hikes. I’m at peace with that.
Friends Who Grow Up Together Stick Together

You share your feelings with your partner –

and not by screaming and throwing dishes. You have experienced enough of life to understand the value of emotional expression and having a soft place to fall. You are no longer afraid to be vulnerable with your significant other.

You don’t go out on weeknights.

Now that you have an important and grown up job, a good night’s sleep is starting to sound infinitely more appealing than a hangover. You also might be starting to tire of crowds, noise, and strobe lights. As Lorde put it, “I’m kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air…so there.”

In fact, “going out” in itself means a whole different thing.

For the reasons described above, and thanks to your blissfully strengthened financial resources, you might be more likely to find yourself at a fancy restaurant than a bumpin’ club. This one really hits home when you return to go to bed and realize your babysitter is on her way out to start her own night – and that you have a babysitter.

“Bros before hos” is over.

So is “chicks before dicks.” You and your partner are in it for the long haul now, and you need to be one another’s first priority.

You embrace little weekday pleasures –

think morning commute playlists, healthy and affordable lunches, and the new coffee special. Weekdays solidly outnumber weekends, and you might as well find little parts of them to cherish. Don’t wish your life away waiting for Friday. Live it now.

You would NEVER say something like “YOLO” –

not only because it’s obnoxious and you look silly doing it, but also because you no longer agree with the spirit of the phrase. The fact that we only live once is not an excuse to do something stupid. It’s a reason to open that 401k and invest in quality furniture. Exception – you get bonus adult points if you say YOLO while doing something of that nature.

Being a grown-up is actually pretty great. I get to eat as much candy as I want, and I don’t have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. I do have to take my toddler with me though, and apologize to the woman in the next stall when he pops his head under the divider to say “hi.” Life is all about trade-offs, and I’m pretty pleased with the ones I made when I crossed over into adulthood.

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6 Tips That Increase Mental Strength https://iheartintelligence.com/increase-mental-strength/ Mon, 04 Jul 2016 06:17:24 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=17690 The post 6 Tips That Increase Mental Strength appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

6 Tips that Increase Mental Strength

Do you crumble under pressure, or do you see yourself as mentally tough? Can you maintain focus and persistence in pursuit of your goals?  Do you come through adverse events more clear and resilient?  Psychologists report that each of us can gain from improving our mental strength, regardless of where we are on the coping […]

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6 Tips that Increase Mental Strength

6 Tips That Increase Mental Strength

Do you crumble under pressure, or do you see yourself as mentally tough?

Can you maintain focus and persistence in pursuit of your goals?  Do you come through adverse events more clear and resilient?  Psychologists report that each of us can gain from improving our mental strength, regardless of where we are on the coping spectrum.

Here are 6 proven practices for each of us.

Be Intentional

Hold an unwavering belief in yourself, your unique assets, and your ability to accomplish goals.  Strong intention keeps you focused on the task at hand,  and buffers emotional and physical setbacks. Intention is marked by an insatiable drive to succeed.

Practice Consistent Self-Care

Mental resilience and high function are contingent on, not separate from,  our physical and emotional well being. Respect the harmony of interconnections with healthy nutrition, sleep, and exercise. Daily meditation can equip you with emotional relief and stability, a form of balance that enables wearing life like a loose garment.

Think Like an Optimist

Analyze your beliefs around failure. Accept that failure is temporary, inevitable, and changeable.  WD-40, a best selling mechanic lubricant, is so named due to 39 previous attempts to get it right.  Thomas Edison found hundreds of ways NOT to invent a light bulb, until he found one way that worked.  What if everything has value?

Avoid Catastrophic Thinking

Eliminate the words “never” and”always” from your vocabulary.  Avoid general, stereotypical, or demeaning statements and opinions of others.  Practice curiosity, instead of judgement.  Look for a positive spin to assign to life’s uncertainties and disappointments.

Practice Gratitude and Generosity

When you expand your understanding of others, and put teeth into the practice of compassion, your own mental health is enhanced. Focus is sharpened while depression and aggression are kept at bay.

Be Authentic

Above all else, know who you are, and stand in your truth.  Living any form of a lie saps strength and clarity. Know and respect your limits.  Wonder where you stand?  Scroll down here for a  quick self test and gauge your own mental strength.

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6 Ways Heartache Pain and Loss Can Make You Better https://iheartintelligence.com/pain-loss-make-you-better/ Thu, 23 Jun 2016 09:44:40 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=19063 The post 6 Ways Heartache Pain and Loss Can Make You Better appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

6 Ways Heartache Pain and Loss Can Make You Better

Not long ago my Mom passed.  Unexpectedly, 2 short weeks later,  my younger brother joined her.  Bereft,  I was suddenly adrift, my moorings gone.  How to belong in a world with mother and brother sized holes?  Sleepless, I walked, and walked. Or, crashed for 8, 10, 12 hours. Grief morphed into guilt, anger, cynicism, bewilderment. […]

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6 Ways Heartache Pain and Loss Can Make You Better

6 Ways Heartache Pain and Loss Can Make You Better

Not long ago my Mom passed.  Unexpectedly, 2 short weeks later,  my younger brother joined her.  Bereft,  I was suddenly adrift, my moorings gone.  How to belong in a world with mother and brother sized holes?  Sleepless, I walked, and walked. Or, crashed for 8, 10, 12 hours. Grief morphed into guilt, anger, cynicism, bewilderment. Socially inept, I lay low.  In my brother’s flannel shirt, I curled under Mom’s soft brown throw and convulsed with tears.  Each salt trail marked a sacred path, a new road named “Goodbye.”

I moved furniture, rearranged with neurotic urgency.  Change surroundings to make it less true?  Who knows.  A broken heart will eclipse reality,  trivialize every….other….thing.  I meditated anyway, vaguely mindful that “If you can sit while disturbed, you are well trained.”   I ate anyway.  Or, didn’t eat.  Like many, I’d survived the gut wrench of divorce. I’d gone through the derailment of job loss, of periodic health setbacks. Somehow though, the absence of two so beloved spun me into a new orbit. Its trajectory continues, its stardust whispers secret gifts. Here are a few:

Relationships Strengthen

  As hearts heal, they expand to deepen love for family and friends, for colleagues, teachers, neighbors. The rug’s ripped out from under and life’s random ambiguity is revealed. So too, the precious gifts of love and kindness. We make more time for each other, a very good thing.

Spirituality Grows

  God, Goddess, Great Spirit, Universal Source, whatever the useful name, affords ease from suffering. The compelling truth that none of us are ever truly alone seems to manifest. And with it, freedom from ego based distortions of guilt, anger, fear and judgement.
How to be Better at the Hardest Things We Face in Life

Physical Health Improves

  How well we want to spend so little time on this beautiful planet prods us to eat better, exercise, and aim for restful sleep. As James Taylor sings,  “the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time”,  we slowly, naturally reset ourselves to become healthier.

Finances are organized

  We realize how much is left for others to sort once we’re gone. We write or update Wills, clear debt, establish order around our money and possessions. Life feels lighter.

Perspective Shifts

  No longer willing to attach emotional value as before, we see clearly what is worth our time and energy.  We become more empowered, liberated and authentic.  We choose to invest in our Tribe to create more memories.

Hearts Expand

  Remarkably, the other side of heartbreak is a wider capacity to love. We know a new generosity, a new compassion, an easy openness and room for others.

Never more true,  “Be aware of the place where you are brought to tears..that is where your treasure is.”- Paul Coelho,  The Alchemist

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Five Selfish Reasons to Do Good https://iheartintelligence.com/selfish-reasons-do-good/ Thu, 23 Jun 2016 09:28:58 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=18016 The post Five Selfish Reasons to Do Good appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Five Selfish Reasons to Do Good

Have you ever noticed that people who engage in volunteer work seem super happy – maybe even obnoxiously so? Well, according to science, they actually do have plenty to smile about. Doing a good deed helps not only the beneficiary, but the humanitarian as well. Here are five reasons why engaging in service work can […]

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Five Selfish Reasons to Do Good

Five Selfish Reasons to Do Good

Have you ever noticed that people who engage in volunteer work seem super happy – maybe even obnoxiously so? Well, according to science, they actually do have plenty to smile about. Doing a good deed helps not only the beneficiary, but the humanitarian as well. Here are five reasons why engaging in service work can benefit us all:

Altruism Boosts Your Mental Health

BMC Public Health analyzed a myriad of studies and found that volunteering mitigated depression, increased life satisfaction, and had an overall positive effect on the study participants’ sense of well-being. This effect could be a culmination of the benefits listed below, or it could simply represent a mind at ease. When we help others, we become more at peace with our self-image, our world, and the role we play in our community. Volunteering gives us a sense of purpose. It would make sense that, by internalizing and validating our role as a helper, we can guard against the insidious sense of sadness that comes from feeling disconnected and incomplete.

Do-Gooders Live Longer

According to a study published in the American Journal of Public Health, helping others in a concrete way seemed to serve as a buffer in regards to the relationship between stress and mortality. Specifically, when a participant in the study helped others regularly, the stress that they felt in their daily life was less likely to lead to an early death. This was especially true when the help they provided was something tangible – for example, bringing a new mother a fresh meal to help out, or doing her dishes for her, as opposed to simply congratulating her and offering good wishes. This may be because…
17 Acts of Kindness That Will Make Someone Happy Today

Helpers and Donors Are Less Stressed

Generous and kind people have been proven to exhibit less physical signs of stress than their stingy and selfish counterparts. In scientific studies, altruism has been shown to significantly lower blood pressure, reduce risk of hypertension, and lower cortisol levels. This effect was proven to be true not only for those who volunteered their time, but also for those who donated money. Generosity, as it turns out, may help the giver even more than the recipient.

Goodness Begets Goodness

When encouraging our children to help others, we often tell them to remember a time when somebody helped them. As it turns out, however, reminding them of their own altruistic actions might be more effective. According to a study published by the Association for Psychological Science, thinking about what we’ve given before makes us more likely to give again. Rather than counting our blessings, we should count the ways in which we have been able to bless others.
18 Things To Give Without Expectation

Helpers are Happy

Most of us enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling that overtakes us when we do something kind. Did you know, however, that psychologists have a term for this? When you help somebody, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers are activated, and endorphins are released. This is called a “helper’s high,” and it is as physical as it is emotional. You will feel more connected, satisfied, and grateful – and possibly even become addicted to the rush.

Go do something nice today. Do it for someone else, or take one of the reasons above to heart and do it for yourself. As Brian Tracy said, “Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.”

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What Is Your Emotional Type? https://iheartintelligence.com/emotional-type-quiz/ Thu, 16 Jun 2016 07:00:36 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=18986 The post What Is Your Emotional Type? appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

What Is Your Emotional Type?

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What Is Your Emotional Type?

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Six Kinds of Toxic Relationships https://iheartintelligence.com/toxic-relationships/ Thu, 09 Jun 2016 13:09:43 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=18601 The post Six Kinds of Toxic Relationships appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Six Kinds of Toxic Relationships

I don’t like to brag, but over decades of personal research I have become somewhat of an expert on bad relationships. Although I am in a happy marriage now, I can definitely check each one of these off my list of ex-lovers. Some true winners even fit into more than one category. Here, for your […]

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Six Kinds of Toxic Relationships

Six Kinds of Toxic Relationships

I don’t like to brag, but over decades of personal research I have become somewhat of an expert on bad relationships. Although I am in a happy marriage now, I can definitely check each one of these off my list of ex-lovers. Some true winners even fit into more than one category.

Here, for your reading pleasure, are six kinds of toxic relationships. I’m sure there are more, but I am only one woman.

The One-Sided Love Affair

Ah, unrequited love – fuel for poetry, music, and bad relationships everywhere. One person is desperate to make it work, clinging to their deeply held personal image of a connection that does not exist in reality. The other person may seem cruel, cold, and callous – but more likely they are just clueless and uninterested. It doesn’t really matter, because whatever their reasons, their partner is going to end up heartbroken when they wake up to the fact that they’re in it alone. If you are the taker in a relationship like this, the kind thing to do is to let them down gently. If you are the giver, as hard as it is, you need to stop giving right now. Either the object of your affection will miss you and start giving you the attention and care that you deserve, or, more likely, they will disappear and leave you free to pursue someone who will reciprocate your affections. Either way, you win.

The Idolized Infatuate

Do you put your partner up on a pedestal? It might be time to let them down, or let them loose. Idealizing your partner gives you unrealistic expectations of the relationship, and does not give them the freedom to be human. The pressure to be perfect can be suffocating, and it may be keeping your partner from opening up to you about their fears and insecurities – the very things that they need you to be there through. Let your significant other know that you embrace their flaws, and they will be more inclined to share them with you. This will allow you to connect on a much deeper level and build a more sincere and trusting relationship.

The Unforgiving Union

We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Failing to forgive breeds distrust, resentment, the inclination to punish, and a good reason to lie – quickly pushing you into one of the categories below. If your partner has done something truly unforgivable, you need to end the relationship. If it’s something you can get past, however, you need to make a sincere effort to work through the problem – don’t hold onto it just to hold it over their head later.

The Distrustful Duo

If you do not trust your partner, you will spend the entirety of your relationship feeling scared and insecure. If you do not have your partner’s trust, you will be forever walking on eggshells, never feeling good enough or strong enough. Either way, the relationship is doomed unless you learn to build some trust. If you can do that, your love will be built on a firm foundation of security and solidarity, and your home will feel peaceful and emotionally safe. Everyone needs a person to fall into once in awhile and you need to be sure that your partner is willing and able to catch you when that moment inevitably comes.

The Punishing Pair

You should never be scared of your significant other. If your relationship includes any kind of punitive behavior, it is time to get out of it. This includes physical, emotional, and verbal abuse, as well as less harmful behaviors that indicate the intent to penalize your partner for their conduct. These can include finding ways to “get back at” them, withholding affection as a means of control, or spending money excessively out of spite. If you are intentionally hurting one another, you are not working through your problems constructively and acting as a team. It may feel therapeutic, but punishing your significant other can damage your relationship beyond repair.

The Lying Lovers

If you are lying to your partner, then you are not only making it impossible for them to trust you – you are also putting up a wall. Partners who keep big secrets from one another are not able to connect on a truly deep level, because they can never know who their significant other really is. A need to hide the truth also indicates that you are engaging in behavior your partner would find unacceptable. If you value your connection, you have no choice but to come clean. Let your guard down, and tell your partner who you truly are. Your lover might surprise you and stick around to build a more honest and open connection. If they run, they were never meant for you anyway.

If any of these apply to you, you have two choices: fix it, or RUN. Either way, I wish you the best of luck in reaching your happy ending!

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