cycle – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com Wed, 15 May 2019 07:00:16 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.3.2 https://iheartintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/cropped-IHI-square-32x32.png cycle – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com 32 32 5 Things You Need To Remember When Someone Constantly Lets You Down https://iheartintelligence.com/someone-let-down/ Wed, 20 Apr 2016 07:08:02 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=16773 The post 5 Things You Need To Remember When Someone Constantly Lets You Down appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Things You Need To Remember When Someone Constantly Lets You Down

There are some important things you need to keep in mind when someone continues to let you down. Regardless if it is your parent, spouse, child, friend or even coworker who can’t keep their end of the bargain, being constantly let down sucks. When someone repeatedly lets you down, it can send all sorts of […]

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5 Things You Need To Remember When Someone Constantly Lets You Down

There are some important things you need to keep in mind when someone continues to let you down.

Regardless if it is your parent, spouse, child, friend or even coworker who can’t keep their end of the bargain, being constantly let down sucks.

When someone repeatedly lets you down, it can send all sorts of feelings and questions running through your mind.

You may feel angry with them, or you might even start to resent their behaviour. In any case, being disappointed so frequently will surely make you profoundly sad.

Worse still, you may even become pessimistic. You may start thinking that people are bad by nature and even that life sucks! And all of this because of just one or two blokes, who can’t keep a promise to save their life! So, you now see how serious the issue is!

There was one person in my life who would promise me the world, only to fail to keep their word in the end. That person would make a commitment to be somewhere or do something for me, and then something would inevitably come up to prevent them from keeping their promise. come up.

At the time, that person might have had absolutely every intention to do what they said they were going to do, but it just didn’t happen. And I think that is where part of my anger came from. Someone you trust looks you in the eyes and tells you, with certainty, that you can rely on them no matter what.

Then, this same person doesn’t show up. Or does not pick up their phone. Or they just disappear from your life for a period of time. Or entirely! It feels as if you were stabbed in the back! I mean, our word is everything,  so how can anyone be so careless about it?

Dealing with people who are unreliable, or who over-commit themselves can be difficult. I am going to share with you five secrets that help me keep my composure when interacting with pathological promise-breakers.

1. Never Assume Anything

Assumptions can be dangerous, because they can seriously hurt your feelings and compromise your relationships. I know it is difficult not to assume things when someone continues to let you down again and again.

On the other hand, you can’t know for sure what has really been going on with that person. We can’t read their thoughts, and we don’t know what (if anything) they are going through. For the sake of objectivity, everybody is innocent until proven otherwise.

When you ask someone to do something for you, do not be too insistent, neither should you be too demanding when they agree. You see, sometimes your insistence may put the other person in a situation where they simply can’t accept your conditions, but at the same time they may have an issue saying no to people.

In any case, if one fails to keep their word about something, they should at least apologize sincerely. At this point you should accept their promise, as it would be extremely rude not to. However, keep in mind that that person is not the most reliable person you’ve met.

2. Accept Them For Who They Are

I can tell you, one of the easiest ways to deal with those who overcommit is to just accept them for who they are. Our expectations about our friends and family may sometimes be unrealistically high, but let’s face it – people don’t change overnight, so we should be more lenient.

We can’t change who people are. Everyone is unique when it comes to values and priorities. We need to remember to ACCEPT instead of EXPECT. Accepting the facts as they are will save you a lot of pain, bitterness, and anger. If you have a hard time accepting someone’s behaviour as it is, then maybe the next tip is just for you.

3. Tell Them Exactly How You Feel, Your Feelings Are Valid

It’s great to have faith in others and believe they will suddenly gain integrity, but sometimes people need an impetus. That is, someone or something to show them the way.

Those who repeatedly disappoint others spend a great deal of time weighing the different options that life offers them. Initially, they may say they will do you the favor you’ve been asking for. Then, a million reasons pop up in their mind as to why they can’t. We don’t know how they feel about it, and we can’t be sure if they realize what their decision means to us.

So you have to tell them.  Without anger or resentment, explain to them that their sudden decision to back off makes you feel unimportant. You can add that from that point on, their word means nothing to you, because of their tendency to let you down. If you don’t tell them, how will they know? Just remember to speak from the heart, and maybe you will be able to help them see the situation from your perspective.

4. Break The Vicious Circle

Once you have told someone how you feel and how their actions have affected you, it’s time to let go of the hurt. End the cycle of expectation, disappointment, and pain. This is when you set boundaries and make it clear that your relationship requires equal effort.

If they agree, then your relationship can happily go on. However, if the dynamics have changed too much for them, and they decide they can’t make the necessary compromise, then you should know that your relationship is nearing its end.

When you choose to stop letting the behaviour of others affect your feelings, you will see that breaking the cycle of pain is the beginning of a much happier life for you.

5. Know When To Move On

After you have explained your feelings and given the other person time to react, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. If nothing has changed, then it is time to let go and move on.

Trying to maintain a relationship that is ill-fated doesn’t benefit either party. Life is hard enough without having to force friendships/relationships to work. Someone who truly wants to improve their relationship with you will appreciate your honesty. A real friend is someone who will work with you through whatever life may throw at your friendship.

We can never be in control of how people may act in certain situations. However, we can set boundaries in our relationships. That way, we will be able to control the treatment we receive from others.

What do you think about this?

How have you dealt with someone who constantly lets you down? Let us know in the comments!

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Wired for Destruction: Negative Thoughts can Literally Destroy Your Brain https://iheartintelligence.com/negative-thoughts-destroy-brain/ Thu, 04 Feb 2016 07:22:54 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=15453 The post Wired for Destruction: Negative Thoughts can Literally Destroy Your Brain appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Wired for Destruction: Negative Thoughts can Literally Destroy Your Brain

It’s nothing earth shattering to point out that negative thoughts can have a negative impact on your life, but did you know that our brains are actually wired to focus on negative thoughts? What is even more surprising is that negative thought patterns actually do physical damage to our brains. This damage only makes breaking […]

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The post Wired for Destruction: Negative Thoughts can Literally Destroy Your Brain appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Wired for Destruction: Negative Thoughts can Literally Destroy Your Brain

It’s nothing earth shattering to point out that negative thoughts can have a negative impact on your life, but did you know that our brains are actually wired to focus on negative thoughts?

What is even more surprising is that negative thought patterns actually do physical damage to our brains. This damage only makes breaking the cycle of negative thinking harder to break, but don’t fret – it’s not impossible.

Wired for Destruction: Negative Thoughts can Literally Destroy Your Brain

Wired for Destruction

In an evolutionary sense, our brains are actually wired to focus on negative stimuli instead of positive rewards. Think about it, at one point in our evolutionary journey we were basically wild animals. We had to be wary of all of the environmental dangers around us, and therefore, our brains were developed to focus on threats. A stick snapping in the woods was a sign of a predator, not the potential for a new friend. By being wary and focusing on the worst case scenario, our ancient ancestors survived. Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist and best-selling author, writes on his website, “Negative stimuli produce more neural activity than do equally intense (e.g., loud, bright) positive ones.

They are also perceived more easily and quickly. For example, people in studies can identify angry faces faster than happy ones; even if they are shown these images so quickly (just a tenth of a second or so) that they cannot have any conscious recognition of them, the ancient fight-or-flight limbic system of the brain will still get activated by the angry faces.”

Just like memories are groups of neurons firing together, negative thoughts are groups of neurons that link together in a pattern. As neurons fire in a sequence, they link together and bad memories form faster than good ones. According to Hanson, “The alarm bell of your brain — the amygdala (you’ve got two of these little almond-shaped regions, one on either side of your head) — uses about two-thirds of its neurons to look for bad news: it’s primed to go negative. Once it sounds the alarm, negative events and experiences get quickly stored in memory — in contrast to positive events and experiences, which usually need to be held in awareness for a dozen or more seconds to transfer from short-term memory buffers to long-term storage.”

The Physical Effects of Negative Thoughts on Your Brain

What’s more interesting than our brains being predisposed to thinking negatively, is the fact that negative thoughts actually physically change our brains. For instance, cortisol – the stress hormone, destroys neurons in the hippocampus, which is responsible for storing memories. Also, once the brain had developed a certain way of thinking it will naturally revert to those patterns when storing new memories.

There is a theory that our brains are physically shaped based on what we think and experience. “Experience-dependant Neuroplasty” basically means that the neurons that fire the most become the most sensitive in the brain. Hanson’s theory is that “the brain takes its shape from what the mind rests upon.”

Breaking the Cycle

Despite our brain’s attempts to hold on to the negative thought patterns that we sometimes get into, there is a way to change the way we think. The simplest way to overcome negative thought patterns is to engage in an activity the occupies your entire brain. Something like a puzzle, crossword, or other cognitive activity can allow your brain to break out of those destructive patterns. Meditation is another great way to break up your thought patterns. truly clearing your brain and relaxing is one of the best things you can do for your overall mental health. Finally, and most importantly, it is important to be mindful of your situation.

Mindfulness is a non-judgemental view of everything that is going on around you that can help you really figure out what you need to worry about and what you have no control over. Mindfulness is an active practice, and won’t just happen overnight. Stress management is a skill that can help break your thought patterns out of a negative loop.

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5 Struggles that Only Workaholics Will Understand https://iheartintelligence.com/struggles-workaholics/ Fri, 04 Dec 2015 15:09:58 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=13037 The post 5 Struggles that Only Workaholics Will Understand appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Struggles that Only Workaholics Will Understand

The simple definition of a workaholic is “a person who compulsively works hard and long hours.” Well, I can tell you as a workaholic that it so much more complicated than that. If you’re a fellow workaholic, you know what I am talking about: it’s not about the hours, it is about that compulsive drive […]

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5 Struggles that Only Workaholics Will Understand

5 Struggles that Only Workaholics Will Understand

The simple definition of a workaholic is “a person who compulsively works hard and long hours.”

Well, I can tell you as a workaholic that it so much more complicated than that. If you’re a fellow workaholic, you know what I am talking about: it’s not about the hours, it is about that compulsive drive to succeed. If you’re a workaholic like me, you’re far from alone, and you’ll also understand these struggles more than most. If you have a workaholic in your life, you might not understand how these struggles affect us.

We are Often Misunderstood

People think that just because you work long hours, you are automatically a workaholic. That’s not the case. You might just not be good at what you do, so it takes you longer to do it. Being a workaholic isn’t about time – it is about passion. I don’t spend 12-14 hours a day working because I don’t have better things to do. I do it because I want to be the best at everything I do. Working for me is security. It’s comfort. It’s how I control my destiny. Yes, there is enjoyment in working hard for a workaholic, but it’s not the same enjoyment we would get from doing something like fishing or sitting on a beach. It’s the enjoyment of accomplishment and fulfillment from completing tasks and goals. It’s actually harder for us to enjoy things like a vacation or minor escape, because when we aren’t working – we are thinking about work.

Relationships are Harder for Us

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a workaholic, you know exactly how difficult it can be. The long hours, the constant work, the inability to detach. It takes a lot of patience to be in a relationship with a workaholic. What people don’t realize, is that from our point of view – it is just as hard. We want to spend time with our loved ones. We want to spend time with our friends. We don’t enjoy disappointing people in our lives with our absence, or distracted nature. In fact, a lot of the people we are absent from are the exact reasons we work so hard. Parents providing for families, people furthering themselves to take care of the people around them, people working for stability in their lives. It’s a sacrifice of sorts, because often times by trying to take care of the people in our lives by working as hard as we do, we ruin the very relationships we are working for.

We are Dreamers

Being a dreamer isn’t as much fun as it sounds. For workaholics specifically, it is the constant focus on the future that makes it hard to appreciate the present. Being a dreamer can make you not appreciate what it is that you have because it isn’t what you want. Which then leads to you working even harder to achieve those goals.

Dating is Nearly Impossible for Us

If you think being in a relationship with a workaholic is hard, trying being a workaholic and establishing a new relationship. It’s hard to explain to someone that you can’t just drop whatever it is that you’re in the middle of and escape for something as simple as a meal or coffee. It just doesn’t work like for us. Spontaneity is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have, and workaholics are often viewed as boring because being spontaneous is hard for us.It’s harder for us to connect with people because of our limited time away from what we are doing. And, to be honest, when we do walk away from work – a lot of times we just want to be alone and decompress. All of these hurdles are why a lot of workaholics are single. Whether they want to be or not.

It is a Cycle that is Hard to Break

If you noticed, in a couple of these specific examples there are cycles. In relationships: you work hard for your partner, which causes trouble in the relationship. With dreaming: your desires make your real-life seem lacking which makes you work harder. I think that’s the hardest part of being a workaholic to explain. I work hard to get ahead and as soon as I do, I work harder to keep getting ahead. Our obsession with work affects our lives, and therefore, we work harder to solve those problems – when the real problem is the work itself.

So, again, if you’re a workaholic like me, just know that you’re not alone. That same passion that drives you to work your ass off can be applied in other areas of life, I promise. The first step to breaking that cycle is realizing the effects your workaholic nature is having on you and the people around you. Just like with everything else in life, a happy medium between working and living does exist. You just have to work to find it 🙂

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What is Polyphasic Sleep and Why is it so Effective https://iheartintelligence.com/polyphasic-sleep/ Thu, 29 Oct 2015 12:46:34 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=10360 The post What is Polyphasic Sleep and Why is it so Effective appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

What is Polyphasic Sleep and Why is it so Effective

If there is one thing I consider myself to really be good at, it would have to be my ability to nap. I can nap anywhere, anytime, and my naps really DO recharge my batteries better than you’d assume. I can go from being drop-dead tired to ready to take on a frost giant with […]

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What is Polyphasic Sleep and Why is it so Effective

If there is one thing I consider myself to really be good at, it would have to be my ability to nap. I can nap anywhere, anytime, and my naps really DO recharge my batteries better than you’d assume. I can go from being drop-dead tired to ready to take on a frost giant with nothing more that a 20-minute power nap in the front seat of my truck. Back when I used to work a 9-5 type job, catching cat naps in the middle of the day was tough. Now that I make my own hours, I find myself working in 4-hour bursts that are punctuated by 30-minute to an hour long naps throughout the day. Although at times it can seem like I am working non-stop, I still feel like I get more done in a day than I used to. As I grew more interested in my own sleep cycle, I found that people like Da Vinci had similar sleep cycles and that Polyphasic Sleep, as it is called, is actually very efficient.

What is Polyphasic Sleep?

Now, we have all heard throughout our lives that we need to get 8 hours of sleep a night for our brains to properly recharge. This sleep pattern is what is known as monophasic. Polyphasic sleep, as the name suggests, is a sleep pattern that is broken up by more than one period of sleep. The theory is that by breaking up your sleep sessions, you actually save more hours in the day, while giving your brain regular breaks.

So Who Does Polyphasic Sleep Work For?

Polyphasic sleep has been studied for years and implemented by several organizations where people in high-stress situations need to manage their sleep. For instance, the US Military, Italian Air Force, ans even NASA have all experimented with subjecting pilots to long stretches of wakefulness punctuated by short naps, and found that your brain can get all of the rest your body requires in short bursts of sleep.

One of the biggest proponents of polyphasic sleep has been Dr. Claudi Stampi. His original interest in alternative sleep patterns came from his love of long-distance solo sailing, which makes sense if you are piloting a boat by yourself around the world’s oceans. In one of Stampi’s experiments, a man only slept for 3 hours at a time for 49 days. The findings showed that he managed to achieve all of the aspects of restful sleep, despite the shortened sleep periods. Stampi went on to write a book called Why We Nap: Evolution, Chronobiology, and Functions of Polyphasic and Ultrashort Sleep in 1992 that detailed his findings.

So, based on that research, it is easy to understand why polyphasic sleep worked for people like Napolean, Da Vinci, and even Tesla. Still, doctors warn of having a circadian rhythm that is out of whack. Another problem that you can run into with a polyphasic sleep cycle is the fact that not everyone maintains the same level of wakefulness. Take for instance the story of Buckminster Fuller, who adopted a schedule of sleeping for 30 minutes every 6 hours. Although he was highly productive for the two years he maintained his sleep schedule, “he had to quit because his schedule conflicted with that of his business associates, who insisted on sleeping like other men.” I think that polyphasic sleep has its uses for some people, and it it works for you – more power to you. Sleeping is a key element to maintaining good health, so make sure that whether you sleep once a day or 6 times a day that you are getting enough rest. That is first and foremost.

Research Sources: NASAPBS.org

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Breaking the Dating Cycle: How to Find the ONE https://iheartintelligence.com/dating-cycle/ Tue, 27 Oct 2015 14:53:18 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=10250 The post Breaking the Dating Cycle: How to Find the ONE appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Breaking the Dating Cycle: How to Find the ONE

Having a true romantic and spiritual relationship that is fueled with love is one of the many wonders of this modern day world. If you are anything like me, you were raised in a broken family with little to no example of what real love looks like. Your parents or caregivers busted their butts to […]

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Breaking the Dating Cycle: How to Find the ONE

Breaking the Dating Cycle: How to Find the ONE

Having a true romantic and spiritual relationship that is fueled with love is one of the many wonders of this modern day world.

If you are anything like me, you were raised in a broken family with little to no example of what real love looks like. Your parents or caregivers busted their butts to keep the house maintained and to live securely with food on the table. One parent or both parents were away from home most the time and too exhausted for much else when the family was together.
There wasn’t much time for love or even knowledge of connecting to love and eventually you become witness to a dying marriage.
Because of this, online relationship experts are in high demand these days. Marriage has upgraded from 2 people of the opposite sex needing each other to run a home, carry on the family name with children and to provide for them financially, to being married for love alone. Now, men can take care of their own homes with modern appliances, cook their own food with easy make meals and it is socially acceptable to have female friends or date to fill those needs of feminine energy.
Women can be successful in the business world and take care of their own financial and security needs while also maintaining relationships, platonic or romantic, to fill their needs of masculine energy. There is no need to get hitched or tie the knot, unless it is for loving commitment.

So, what is the problem?

Most people really do want to find that one person, who really loves them and “gets” them, but men do not understand women and women do not understand men.
We look to experts to teach us how to have the relationship we want – to find the man or woman of their dreams!
When a current relationship isn’t going the way we want, we look for advice and insights from coaches who can help us get what we want. If we don’t get it, we jump on another dating site and find someone else to repeat the cycle.
How do you end the cycle? Maybe this video from Bryan Reeves will shine some light on your struggle.
Read: 4 Keys to Fixing a Broken Relationship

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Can We Raise Aware Children In a Flawed Educational System https://iheartintelligence.com/raise-children/ Wed, 08 Apr 2015 19:07:05 +0000 https://www.iheartintelligence.com/?p=6299 The post Can We Raise Aware Children In a Flawed Educational System appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

raise aware children

A wide chasm is developing between Teaching and Educating. Teaching is defined as “ideas or principles taught by an authority”. Educating is defined as “giving intellectual, moral, and social instruction to (someone, especially a child).” Looking at modern “education”, I don’t see a lot of educating. School Has Become a “System”. Schools these days are […]

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The post Can We Raise Aware Children In a Flawed Educational System appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

raise aware children

raise aware children
A wide chasm is developing between Teaching and Educating. Teaching is defined as “ideas or principles taught by an authority”. Educating is defined as “giving intellectual, moral, and social instruction to (someone, especially a child).” Looking at modern “education”, I don’t see a lot of educating.

School Has Become a “System”. Schools these days are more like systematic cloning facilities than they are centers for learning and education.

The advent of standardized testing assured that. Why figure out what a child is truly capable of when it is so much easier to just teach him what you want to know and make sure he can regurgitate the knowledge at will. “Here, kiddos – today’s lesson is the version of American history we are comfortable with you knowing, there will be a test on Friday.” This way schools don’t have to deal with things like evaluation individual intelligence, only what the hoard can accomplish
The twist here is that the absolute last people to blame are the teachers. The teachers are told “not to teach to the test”, yet their overall performance is rated by the scores their students get on these standardized test. I am no school board administrator, but I’d guess that any teacher who likes gainful employment is going to teach to the test. The teachers are just doing what their school, district, region, and state mandates them to do. You don’t go into teaching because you want to get rich, you go into teaching because you have a passion for it.

What you end up with is a system where teachers, the very people responsible for the end result (the children), are handcuffed.

The End of Individuality

Now that you have fundamentally removed both aspects of what would drive a healthy education system, you have this withering thing with kids trapped in it. Bright kids. Special kids. Kids with endless potential who are under-diagnosed and over-medicated on a level that rivals anything in history. “Oh little Billy likes to talk a lot, and is hyper, and has a crazy imagination – clearly he is ADD/HD and needs to be medicated back to a zombie-like status so that we can deal with him”. No, Little Billy is loud and rambunctious because he is a KID. That’s what they do. Schools are not daycare, or simply a holding pen for your child. They are the catalyst for the most formative years of their lives, and should be treated with that kind of reverence.
We’ve taken away the emphasis for kids to stand out. We’ve glorified the lowest common denominator, and then we wonder why kids these days are dumber than they have been in years. It’s not that kids are any dumber today that they were 10 years ago, it’s that they DO NOT CARE. The brightest kids in this current education system are the ones that suffer the most. Making too many waves, and being an individual does not lend well to a system that cares more about statistics than it does the actual impact of the system. Children are taught to achieve towards a standard that someone else created, simply because it is what you are supposed to do. The order of the day in modern education is: Do Enough to get by. Don’t make any waves. Be a square peg in your square hole. You are a cog in the machine.

Breaking the Cycle

Now, like I said earlier, there are WAY more good teachers than bad. This is not their problem, the system is the problem. Parents don’t do enough to break the cycle.
There are a lot of parents who might have just read that and immediately yell at their computer screen or smart phone and say “Not me, by golly – I care about my kid’s education!!” Honestly, I know, in your heart that you do. The reality is, that your convictions are not enough in themselves. The good parents are outnumbered by the parents that just don’t care. So if you DO care, you’ve got to raise that much more hell about the things that you’re not happy with in the education system.

1. Quit Yelling at the Teachers

Yelling at a teacher to change the school system is like yelling at your postman to change the price of a stamp.

2. Find other like-minded parents, and talk to school administrators

Going to your annual parent/teacher meeting is not a way of expressing yourself. Those meetings are designed to make you feel like you have input, simply because you really don’t.

3. Talk to school district officials

Taking things to the next level is the only way to get your point across. How many times have you been dealing with a customer service person and asked to speak to a manager? teachers and principals are your customer service agent, and the school district officials are their bosses.

4. Vote

REAL change in the education system comes from the top. The state you live in mandates the requirements for your child’s education, and passes them down.

5. Look for alternatives

Hackschooling seems to work well for Logan, maybe it would work well for your kids too:

There’s no reason to continue to watch the education system circle the drain into obscurity.

I know that kids are limitless, weird little people, and no kid should be subjected to the “automaton training” that schools have become.

I believe whole-heartedly in the potential of every child. Even little Billy, who talks too much, is hyper, and has a wild imagination. We all have a little Billy in our hearts – give him the chance to flourish that he deserves.
Related: Research Shows Over-Involved Parents May Mess With Their Children’s Mental Health

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