child – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com Thu, 21 Nov 2019 13:56:22 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.3.2 https://iheartintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/cropped-IHI-square-32x32.png child – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com 32 32 Woman to reunite with child she thought died 30 years ago thanks to DNA test https://iheartintelligence.com/woman-reunite-with-child/ Tue, 22 Oct 2019 09:18:35 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=55328 The post Woman to reunite with child she thought died 30 years ago thanks to DNA test appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Woman to reunite with child she thought died 30 years ago thanks to DNA test

A woman has recently reunited with her 29-year-old son, who she believed had died shortly after she gave birth.  Nearly 30 years ago, when Tina Bejarano was 17, she gave birth to her son. Sadly, she was told by her mother that the baby died only 15 minutes after it was born. However, it turns […]

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The post Woman to reunite with child she thought died 30 years ago thanks to DNA test appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Woman to reunite with child she thought died 30 years ago thanks to DNA test

A woman has recently reunited with her 29-year-old son, who she believed had died shortly after she gave birth. 

Nearly 30 years ago, when Tina Bejarano was 17, she gave birth to her son. Sadly, she was told by her mother that the baby died only 15 minutes after it was born.

However, it turns out Tina’s mom had actually put the baby for adoption in secret. In an interview with FOX, Tina shares:

“The next day, [my mother] comes back to tell me: ‘The baby died 15 minutes after it was born. It never made it. It was sick.”

Although Tina believed her baby was gone, she and her husband Eric Gardere celebrated her lost son’s birthday every year.

“It was a hard time every year. I would get depressed. I would cry all the time.”

Until 2017, when something unbelievable happened. Tina’s daughters encouraged her to take a DNA test.

After she got the results, she received an email that completely changed her life.

The email was from a New Jersey man. He messaged Tina that they need to talk because the results show that they are related, and he is her lost son.

She couldn’t believe it. After 30 years, she was finally happy again to see her baby. Kristin was adopted by a caring family 5 days after he was born, and he grew up in Las Vegas. Tina and Kristin, now 29, talked about his life in Las Vegas and his family – a loving wife and a baby.

Credit: Eric Gardere / FOX

He is constantly sending his mom pictures of him and the baby. They look really happy after finding each other. Tina’s heart was melting.

“Looking at him just makes me want to cry.”

Even though Eric is not the biological father of Kristin, he shares they have a very strong connection, and he feels like he is.

“We’ve been communicating with Kristin for a few months now. He calls me dad, I call him son. I text him every morning.”

Luckily, on Nov. 24, Kristin’s family is going to visit Tina and Eric for their real reunion.

They would get to finally hug each other, and talk about everything they missed out.

Credit: Eric Gardere / FOX

Hopefully, this story will inspire other separated families to never give up on finding their loved ones.

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A woman overhears the craziest conversation: a man revealing he has a secret child to long-term girlfriend https://iheartintelligence.com/woman-overhears-craziest-conversation-man-revealing-secret-child/ Wed, 11 Sep 2019 06:54:13 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=52278 The post A woman overhears the craziest conversation: a man revealing he has a secret child to long-term girlfriend appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

A woman overhears the craziest conversation: a man revealing he has a secret child to long-term girlfriend

Brooklyn author Maria Dahvana Headley had the chance to casually overhear an interesting exchange between a couple while at a Senegalese restaurant in New York. She posted the most eye-catching moments on her Twitter feed. After the revelation that the man had a secret 12-year-old child, he proceeded to gaslight the woman, who condemned his […]

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The post A woman overhears the craziest conversation: a man revealing he has a secret child to long-term girlfriend appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

A woman overhears the craziest conversation: a man revealing he has a secret child to long-term girlfriend
  • Brooklyn author Maria Dahvana Headley had the chance to casually overhear an interesting exchange between a couple while at a Senegalese restaurant in New York.
  • She posted the most eye-catching moments on her Twitter feed.
  • After the revelation that the man had a secret 12-year-old child, he proceeded to gaslight the woman, who condemned his actions, into forgiving him.
  • Dahvana Headley made it clear that the reasoning behind her sharing this story was to ‘expose’ the man’s “methods” of “emotional violence”.

Honesty is one of the most important pillars that hold a relationship strong even when a certain amount of time has passed. However, when unexpected surprises come up, the said relationship can take a turn for the worse.

Therefore, as a result of the exchange overheard and shared by Maria Dahvana Headly on social media, one might come to realize that secrets have no place in an intimate relationship.

In a tweet thread which was originally posted in June 2017, Maria disclosed some intriguing details of one couple’s relationship problems which happened to revolve around the man’s revelation that he has a secret 12-year-old child.

Maria claims that there is one key reason as to why she put the conversation on her social media platform:

“This conversation took place in June of 2017, before the Weinstein revelations, before #MeToo gained traction – and it was a tremendously clear example of everything we’ve been talking about ever since – gaslighting and what it looks like in real time. Not to make fun of this guy, but to show people what it actually looks like when someone gaslights you. We can all read about what gaslighting is, but when it’s happening to you, often you don’t know what’s going on.”

The Brooklyn author also added the following:

“This is why I talk about things like this in public – I want victims to realize that they are not the ones at fault in scenarios like this one, and to depart these situations when they see the warning signs – lying, refusal to acknowledge wrongdoing, blaming the person they are lying to for judging them.”

You can be certain the conversation is an intriguing one, so scroll down to see what went on!

CreditMaria DahvanaHeadley

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Turns Out Staying At Home Raising Kids Could Be More Exhausting Than Working https://iheartintelligence.com/staying-home-raising-kids-more-exhausting-working/ Thu, 20 Jun 2019 12:01:07 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=45934 The post Turns Out Staying At Home Raising Kids Could Be More Exhausting Than Working appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Turns Out Staying At Home Raising Kids Could Be More Exhausting Than Working

Kids are the most important thing in our lives. Every parent will say that. They are an endless source of joy, pride, and happiness for most of the parents around the world. However, it’s also true that our children who we love more than we love ourselves could drive us crazy to the point where […]

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The post Turns Out Staying At Home Raising Kids Could Be More Exhausting Than Working appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Turns Out Staying At Home Raising Kids Could Be More Exhausting Than Working

Kids are the most important thing in our lives. Every parent will say that. They are an endless source of joy, pride, and happiness for most of the parents around the world.

However, it’s also true that our children who we love more than we love ourselves could drive us crazy to the point where we want to leave the house and run away forever.

The reason is that kids are more emotionally exhausting than working a job you hate, especially newborns. That, of course, comes as no surprise. Having a baby also involves feeding, soothing, bathing, dressing, powdering, playing with him or her. And these activities cause more fatigue and stress rather than joy and satisfaction. Most parents who stay at home will confirm that.

Actually, if a  working parent spends one day at home with their children, they most probably will feel like they can’t wait to go back to work.

There is even a nationwide survey conducted in the U.K.  It has revealed that a lot of parents get more stressed while at home with their kids than when they are at work. The survey was carried out by AVEENO® Baby. It included 1,500 mothers and fathers from different parts of the country who worked or were stay-at-home parents.

You can see the results of the survey below:

  • 25% declare that according to them having a baby is easy.
  • 55% agree that taking care of a baby is draining.
  • After having their first child 40% stopped judging other parents when the latter complained from their kids.
  • 31% think that being at home with children is more stressful than spending time at work
  • 45 % of the women relied on their own mother’s advice rather than on the numerous NCT (National Childbirth Trust) classes and self-help books.
  • 71% think that social media creates competition between parents because everyone is trying to be as good as someone else.
  • 39% admitted they are exhausted all the time.
  • 9%  are worried about their children’ sleep habits.
  • 22% are insecure about their newborns’ eating habits.
  • 27% think they have to be perfect parents

Despite these results, 42% of the parents that participated in the study believe that since they became moms and dads for the first time they’ve been feeling pure, unconditional love for their child.

The truth is that the feeling every parent experiences when they see their child happy, healthy and successful brings a satisfaction like no other. However, taking care of a child also goes with a big dose of stress.

And although people who have kids don’t usually complain about the negative sides of parenting most of them would like to make their stay at home with the children somehow less stressful.

Here is why it was useful to conduct a survey which could help new parents get over their worries.

“Becoming a parent is an amazing experience, but we understand that entering this new chapter of life can also bring with it a great deal of stress and worry, so we wanted to discover more about what new parents experience in the first few years, what they wish they had known and how best we can support them,”, Aveeno Baby Skin expert, Rebecca Bennett explained to The Sun.

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10 Ways Kids Appear To Be Naughty But In Reality, Are Not https://iheartintelligence.com/kids-appear-to-be-naughty-but-not/ Thu, 20 Jun 2019 08:32:30 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=45543 The post 10 Ways Kids Appear To Be Naughty But In Reality, Are Not appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

10 Ways Kids Appear To Be Naughty But In Reality, Are Not

You might need to resist the urge to discipline your kids as much after reading this. We’re going to discuss how sometimes, the behaviors that children demonstrate that seem to be “naughty” actually aren’t. Sometimes due to parental frustration and general short-sightedness, it can be tough to see that some of the ways your kids […]

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The post 10 Ways Kids Appear To Be Naughty But In Reality, Are Not appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

10 Ways Kids Appear To Be Naughty But In Reality, Are Not

You might need to resist the urge to discipline your kids as much after reading this.

We’re going to discuss how sometimes, the behaviors that children demonstrate that seem to be “naughty” actually aren’t.

Sometimes due to parental frustration and general short-sightedness, it can be tough to see that some of the ways your kids are acting out are perfectly normal, and in fact need to happen for healthy development.

Here we go!

1. Resistance for the sake of independence.

Your kid wants to wear shorts and you disagree that it is too cold and tell them to go put on pants instead. Even though this can sometimes cause a screaming match, research shows it might be a better idea to just let them go in those shorts after all. Your child is doing what kids start doing as toddlers: trying to make sense of the world around them and find their place in it. Steamrolling their choices with your own creates more resistance, and their development may pay the price as well.

2. Need for lots of movement.

How many times do you tell your kids to sit still and stop chasing each other and quit jumping on the sofa throughout the day? It may be time to take them to a playground or a walk to get the need to move out of them, at least for a little bit. Kids are little bundles of energy; they have an innate need for lots of movement. Instead of chastising them for being unable to sit still, perhaps give them the chance to get it all out and exhaust themselves.

3. Expressing big feelings bigly.

When your child screams, cries, yells or shouts, they are simply demonstrating that they don’t have the wherewithal to stuff their emotions the way adults have learned to do. Author and child psychologist Janet Lansbury suggests to “let feelings be”; instead of having a strong reaction to them. When your kids know it’s safe to express their big feelings around you, they identify you as a safe place.

4. Dealing with core conditions.

By this we’re referring to things like being hungry, tired, having too much sugar, exhaustion etc. Being able to spot this in your kiddo can help prevent a meltdown. Kids don’t know they can “just grab a snack” and may not be able to communicate what exactly they need. They rely on the safe adults in their lives to help ensure they don’t have a meltdown due to a core condition not being met.

5. Massive overstimulation.

Parenting these days is, it often seems, little more than shuttling your kids from one activity to the next (to the next to the next to the next). As this amount of activity is actually quite stressful and extremely overstimulating, kids throw tantrums, have meltdowns, and lose patience quickly. Again, your kid doesn’t know how to moderate the levels of stress and activity in healthy ways, so it’s up to you to ensure there is plenty of time for resting and relaxing throughout the day as well.

6. Not being able to control impulses.

When you tell a kid not to do something and they do it anyway they’re not being disobedient to bother or rattle you in any way…they do it anyway because they’re a kid. Impulsiveness is part of being a child, and sometimes it comes off as disobedience. Before you jump to the conclusion that if that’s the case your kid must have ADHD, read this first. Sometimes kids are just being kids.

7. Consistent responses to inconsistent limits.

When your behavior towards your child’s expectations and rewards is inconsistent, your child is going to consistently behave poorly. Consider carefully the message you’re sending with rewards and expectations, and ensure you can follow through consistently.

8. Kids emulate your mood.

If you’re unhappy, stressed, angry, upset, or otherwise malevolent kids react to these moods…generally by imitating them. If you are instead grounded, patient, happy, fun-loving, and affectionate, they will mirror these moods as well.

9. Need to play.

Kids have an innate necessity for playing. Being silly, funny, laughing, and connecting on these levels is absolutely essential to a happy childhood. Reconsider it the next time you think they are “acting out” because they hid your shoes and used your makeup — it’s just their way of saying they want to be like you, and they want to have fun with you.

10. The opposite of their strengths.

Your child may be super-driven to achieve in school but be a social wallflower, play hockey like Wayne Gretzky but have trouble finishing their math homework, or be the most popular kid in school who can’t get along with their siblings. Just like adults, your child’s strengths have foils, and they are often the opposite of those strengths. They don’t need scolding…they just need some help in developing those weaknesses.

What do you think? Do your kids demonstrated some of these behaviors?

Is it surprising that they aren’t really bad behaviors after all? We’d love it if you’d share your reaction in the comments.

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5 Scientifically Proven Ways to Help Your Child Become a Successful Adult https://iheartintelligence.com/ways-to-help-children-become-successful-adults/ Mon, 15 May 2017 06:42:25 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=28732 The post 5 Scientifically Proven Ways to Help Your Child Become a Successful Adult appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Scientifically Proven Ways to Help Your Child Become a Successful Adult

“We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future,” stated Franklin D. Roosevelt. In these uncertain times, his words ring more powerful and true than ever before. Here are five things ANY parent can do to set their child up for a successful future in our ever-changing world: […]

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The post 5 Scientifically Proven Ways to Help Your Child Become a Successful Adult appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Scientifically Proven Ways to Help Your Child Become a Successful Adult

“We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future,” stated Franklin D. Roosevelt.

In these uncertain times, his words ring more powerful and true than ever before.

Here are five things ANY parent can do to set their child up for a successful future in our ever-changing world:

1. Prioritize the learning process over achieving perfection.

It’s important for children to feel that success is a result of effort – not inherent advantages, talents, or abilities. In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck dove into this concept with depth and insight and identified two mindsets: the “fixed mindset” and the “growth mindset.” A fixed mindset assumes that people are who they are and cannot change. A child with this mindset will assume that if they struggle with fractions, they must be bad at math – or even stupid. They will respond by avoiding these pursuits because they don’t want to fail. By contrast, a growth mindset equates success with effort and identifies failure as an opportunity for growth. By promoting this mindset with your own child, you encourage them to seek challenges, not to fear failure, and to work tirelessly to accomplish their goals.

2. Give your children household responsibilities.

Children as young as two can – and absolutely should – do simple chores. Our toddler helps clean up spills, puts away his toys, and helps with the laundry by assisting in loading, unloading, and folding. He also helps to feed the dogs and let them in and out of the backyard. Sometimes chores do take longer with little hands helping. However, this practice has been proven the by Harvard Grant Study to give children a more collaborative mindset and a sense of environmental responsibility that will follow them into the workplace. It also fosters a child’s ability to take initiative, identify and solve problems, and see themselves as a powerful part of their community.

3. Teach your child “grit.”

In 2013, University of Pennsylvania psychologist Angela Duckworth won a MacArthur Genius Grant for her work exploring the concept of “grit.” She defined this trait as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” In her research, grit was found to be a significant factor in such diverse efforts as educational success, retention in military academies, and even spelling bee rankings. In her book, Grit, Duckworth explores how to develop this trait in yourself and how to teach it to your children. It’s a great read for anyone – parent or not!

4. Be authoritative in your parenting – not permissive or authoritarian.

This is a difficult line for any parent to balance, but it’s such an important one. Over fifty years ago, UC-Berkeley developmental psychologist Diana Baumride identified these three kinds of parenting styles – and her work is still relevant today. A permissive parent focuses on accepting their child as they are, and does not employ consequences for poor behavior. An authoritarian parent attempts to shape the child to conform with their own expectations, and does not place importance on the child’s unique personality and values. In the middle ground is the authoritative parent, who directs the child with reasonable rules and expectations while promoting a sense of identity and independence.

5. Teach your children how to connect with others.

A collaborative research project by Penn State University and Duke University followed over 700 children from kindergarten to age 25 and found a significant correlation between their social skills as kindergartners and their success as adults two decades later. Children who were helpful, kind, and attuned to their own feelings as well as those of others were more likely to earn college degrees and find gainful employment. Children with limited social skills were more likely to become adults who struggled with addiction, poverty, and criminal activity. Truly, the best way to teach our children these important skills is to be mindful of the relationship we build with them ourselves. In a separate study, children who received sensitive caregiving before the age of three were found to achieve greater academic success and enjoy healthier relationships up to three decades later.

“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom,” wrote Umberto Eco.

What are your children learning from you when you’re actively parenting them – and when you’re not?

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How To Deal With Top 3 Parenting Challenges https://iheartintelligence.com/parenting-challenges/ Thu, 14 Jul 2016 07:20:02 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=18252 The post How To Deal With Top 3 Parenting Challenges appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

How To Deal With Top 3 Parenting Challenges

No matter what approach we take in raising our children, they are bound to act out at some point in a way that we consider to be unacceptable. All parents know the feeling – your head fills with confusion, your heart fills with shame, and you wonder just where you went wrong that led to […]

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How To Deal With Top 3 Parenting Challenges

How To Deal With Top 3 Parenting Challenges

No matter what approach we take in raising our children, they are bound to act out at some point in a way that we consider to be unacceptable. All parents know the feeling – your head fills with confusion, your heart fills with shame, and you wonder just where you went wrong that led to your child’s decision to hit her sister, talk back to his teacher, or throw a kicking and screaming fit over a cookie at the store. Thankfully, you are not alone. Rebecca Eanes, the founder of Positive-Parents.org, asked over nine thousand mothers and fathers which behaviors their children exhibited that truly made them lose their cool, and the results were refreshingly familiar. Here is my favorite advice (compiled from her website, as well as Love and Logic, other experts, and personal experience) on three of the big ones: aggression, tantrums, and back talk.
Buy an “Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt!

Aggression

There are very few things worse than watching your child hurt someone else – so how do we deal when it happens?

-Do not meet violence with violence. Traditional discipline dictates that a child who hits should be hit or spanked himself. However, this only shows the child that hitting out of anger and frustration is okay. Furthermore, it will keep the child in that reactive fight-or-flight state, during which she cannot effectively examine her behavior in a reasoned way and learn how to do better next time.

-Listen and empathize. Let the child tell you why he kicked his friend, and tell him that you understand why he felt frustrated and hurt. Calmly explain that kicking is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Then, discuss non-violent ways that these feelings can be handled in the future.
6 Scientifically Proven Parenting Tips for Raising Successful Children

-Set firm limits that you are willing to enforce. Be clear about the consequences for aggressive behavior, and make sure that you follow through every time. For example, do not tell your daughter that if she kicks her brother under the table she will lose her dessert, and then cave in and give her a scoop of ice cream after her attitude turns around. Similarly, don’t tell your son that you won’t take him to the pool anymore if he hits, knowing full well you’ve already paid for six weeks of swim lessons. This teaches them that your rules are just empty threats, and encourages them to manipulate their way out of facing the consequences of bad behavior.

Tantrums

Ah, the tantrum – enemy of grocery lists everywhere. Sadly I have yet to come across a magical fix, but I have learned the following:

– Contrary to popular belief, most children will not throw a tantrum in an effort to manipulate their parents. Rather, a temper tantrum is how a child deals with overwhelming emotions that are too difficult for him to understand or express.  It is only when you give in to your child every time she throws a tantrum that she can learn to use this behavior as a means of control.
Why Every Child Should Talk Back to Their Parents

-Understand that tantrums are involuntary and inevitable. A child’s prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. This is the part of the brain that regulates emotion and social behavior. Unfortunately, this means that tantrum prevention is futile – and effective tantrum management varies widely from child to child, since tantrums are as wildly diverse as the children throwing them.

-The most commonly recommended techniques for managing a tantrum are to completely disengage by ignoring it and walking away, or to actively empathize with the child, trying to calm him down and work through his feelings. For my child, I find that either of these approaches will work well as long as I distract him with something else. However, he is a one and a half year old with little kid problems, like a stacking ring that falls off his head or a purse he is not allowed to open – so he is much easier to redirect than an older child might be. As I explained above, every child is different – find a method that works with yours, and don’t beat yourself up when the tantrums continue to happen despite your best efforts. It’s in their nature.
Research Shows that Problem Children make Better Adults

Back Talk

My child is not much of a talker yet, but he can already sass with the best of them. When I tell him no, he will often listen (hooray!), and then look at me and make an angry, aggressive noise with a pout. We are really just hoping for him to listen and obey at this age, so we let his back pre-talk slide. While his attempts at back talk are harmless and a little bit cute now, they will become less so as he grows older – so I found some advice to ready myself for this battle.

-Differentiate between problematic back talk and a valid complaint. Teach your child to voice her disagreement and address conflicts with authority in a respectful manner, so she does not feel that talking back with an attitude of disrespect is her only option when she wants to be heard. When she does have a problem with you, listen respectfully. Do not chalk it up to back talk and shut it down just to avoid conflict and assert your authority.

-Construct clear boundaries. Explain to your child that he may tell you why he thinks a rule is unfair using a calm tone, respectful language, and a willingness to understand that although you will listen, he may still not get his way. Give your child a firm understanding of what kinds of speech and behavior will end the conversation. Respectfully disengage when these ground rules are broken, using a phrase like “I am not open to arguing about this issue when you use unkind language”.

-Reassure your child that even people who love one another very much disagree often, and that no one makes perfect decisions one hundred percent of the time. Tell him you are trying your best to do what is right for him because you love him very much.

Every child is different, and each one will require a unique style of parenting in order to grow into a happy, healthy, and productive member of society. Do what feels right to you, and don’t beat yourself up when you get it wrong. We all do – and all we can really give our children is our best.

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8 True Traits of a Strong Mom https://iheartintelligence.com/strong-mom/ Thu, 23 Jun 2016 09:08:35 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=19052 The post 8 True Traits of a Strong Mom appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

8 True Traits of a Strong Mom

We’re not talking “Tiger Mom” here, where intense focus is directed at excellence in child performance. Rather, what signs indicate maternal prowess that is, simply put, strong? Buy an “Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt! I confess to bias.  I think  more often than not, “strong Mom” or “strong woman” is, well,  redundant. Still, I’m curious to […]

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8 True Traits of a Strong Mom

8 True Traits of a Strong Mom

We’re not talking “Tiger Mom” here, where intense focus is directed at excellence in child performance. Rather, what signs indicate maternal prowess that is, simply put, strong?
Buy an “Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt!

I confess to bias.  I think  more often than not, “strong Mom” or “strong woman” is, well,  redundant. Still, I’m curious to discover common behaviors that inform parenting-rich with core values. Some maternal influence that cultivates character. So let’s call them  instead, “ mindful Moms”,  present,  far from perfect,  compelled by Mama Love.

1. Mindful Moms have confidence in themselves,

and naturally encourage the unique individual within each child. They resist the urge to mold them to their own expectations or desires. They instill the critical value of honesty.

2 Strongpathy is taught through daily practice of kind and humanistic acts.

 Present Moms understand we are all interconnected and instill the value of compassion.
4 Phrases to Empower Your Child

3. Connection to community cultivates values of altruism, and enhanced individual health.

 A mindful  Mom prioritizes family gatherings, neighborhood events and broader social activities.  

4. Respect is underscored when a mindful Mom insists on healthy personal boundaries.

 She is not intrusive, impulsively driven by her own agenda. She requires her children to communicate needs and respect the needs of others. “The Golden Rule” is a common reference.

5. When life hands out lemons, engaged Moms make lemonade.

Adversity is transcended with optimism, acceptance and gratitude.

6. Secure Moms teach critical thinking.

They practice non-interference and advocate the need to see situations from all sides before creating conclusions. Emotional intelligence and diplomacy enhance their children’s development.

7. Self esteem results from conscious Moms who assign chores.

They equate personal responsibility with self worth. Freedom of choice and true independence is a consequence of personal discipline.
5 Behaviors Strong Women Don’t Tolerate

8. Finally, alert Moms stress the value of education through the power of literacy.

 They role model the joy of learning, the limitless “something new” to try, practice, explore.  Their children benefit from appreciation for diversity and innate joie de vie.  

At the end of the day, isn’t that what we really want? We want our children to be happy, to live happy, gratifying lives, and to aspire to leave the world a smidge better place…for their children…and their children…..and so on.

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4 Phrases to Empower Your Child https://iheartintelligence.com/empower-child/ Thu, 16 Jun 2016 11:41:33 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=18698 The post 4 Phrases to Empower Your Child appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

4 Phrases to Empower Your Child

Although it may not always seem like it, your children really do listen to you. They soak up your every word, even when you do not think they are paying attention. Most of us use this knowledge in order to limit the bad things they hear. It only takes one swear word or snippet of […]

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4 Phrases to Empower Your Child

4 Phrases to Empower Your Child

Although it may not always seem like it, your children really do listen to you. They soak up your every word, even when you do not think they are paying attention. Most of us use this knowledge in order to limit the bad things they hear. It only takes one swear word or snippet of gossip being repeated to a preschool teacher for us to learn that lesson. We will go to great lengths not to allow our words to pollute our children’s minds, and would certainly never use language that would tear them down. How often, however, are we conscious of using our words to build them up?

Here are four ways to do just that:

“It’s disappointing to get a lower grade than usual, but it was only one spelling test. Let’s have an extra study session before the next one to make sure we do better.”

Unfortunately, your child is bound to experience some sort of failure in his life. Help him to keep his mistake in perspective when he does. Habits begin to form shockingly early, and can be difficult to break – so now is the time to teach healthy ways to cope with disappointment. Validate his feelings – he knows he messed up, and pretending that he didn’t will only confuse him and make him less likely to trust your words. Keep him from beating himself up by reminding him that his setback is only temporary, and was only a singular event. His failed spelling test does not actually condemn him to a life of illiteracy. Finally, set a game plan to get him back on track. Hopefully this will become a habit, and his adult failures will be stepping stones rather than stopping points.

“I saw you help that little kid who wanted to play with you. You were so patient and kind.”

Children are tactile, concrete creatures, so many can have a hard time taking a compliment to heart when it is abstract. If you give her an example, however, she is more likely to understand and value the trait you are praising, and to repeat the same behavior later. Telling your daughter that she is smart is a wonderful thing. Noticing that she read an entire chapter book, however, can be much more effective.
Research Shows that Problem Children make Better Adults

“What can you do to make it easier to remember your jacket tomorrow?

When your child makes the same mistakes over and over, it is easy to become frustrated. However, conveying this to your child by threatening a punishment or asking how they could be so forgetful will only add anxiety and shame to the problem. By asking what she can do differently and helping her to implement a solution, you are giving her a chance to solve her own problem. Instead of shaming her, you are helping her develop problem-solving skills. By re-framing the situation, you are changing her role from being the problem to being the problem-solver. Instead of feeling like a trouble-maker, she will feel clever and independent. Her first idea may not work out, but this is a good opportunity to build resilience – keep plugging away at the problem and she will feel even more accomplished when she finally conquers it.

“Jack is doing such a good job sharing with his friends lately. We’re so proud!”

All too often, we seem to think our child’s ears turn off when we are talking to another parent. Rather, what he hears you say about him to another adult can have a tremendous impact. When you compliment your child, he may resist believing it, thinking that you are just trying to make him feel good. What he hears you say to another adult, however, has a greater weight. He is more likely to take the compliment to heart and trust it to be true. Think of the way this would work in your own life. If your friend Willa told you your new haircut looked fantastic, you might be flattered – but if you overheard her saying the same to her sister, you would feel even more so.
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We all think our children are the greatest little people in the world, and most of us try to tell them so regularly. Use one of these methods to ensure that the compliments you give the child in your life hit her deeply and have staying power. You’ll be glad you did this when you meet the capable and secure young woman she will someday become.

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5 Ways to Deal With Verbal Abuse at Work https://iheartintelligence.com/verbal-abuse-work/ Mon, 30 May 2016 06:39:24 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=17513 The post 5 Ways to Deal With Verbal Abuse at Work appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Ways to Deal With Verbal Abuse at Work

Verbal abuse in the workplace is bullying.  And while we won’t hesitate to intervene if we witness a child being bullied, the workplace is a different landscape, isn’t it?  An astounding  72 percent of the adult  Americans are familiar with workplace bullying.  Most of the offenders are men, most of the targets women, and less […]

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The post 5 Ways to Deal With Verbal Abuse at Work appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Ways to Deal With Verbal Abuse at Work

5 Ways to Deal With Verbal Abuse at Work

Verbal abuse in the workplace is bullying.  And while we won’t hesitate to intervene if we witness a child being bullied, the workplace is a different landscape, isn’t it?  An astounding  72 percent of the adult  Americans are familiar with workplace bullying.  Most of the offenders are men, most of the targets women, and less than 20% of employers will address it.  So, here are proven methods to shift that norm, one person at a time, starting with each of us.
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Pay Attention

Learn to recognize demeaning, disrespectful  language and behavior.  Sarcasm, from two Greek words that translate to “tear flesh”, is  a common means of snide communication. Insults aimed at your attire or looks, scolding or berating with or without the presence of colleagues, constitutes verbal abuse. These assaults are often echoed in hostile, aggressive hand gestures and body language.  Deceit, shame,  guilt,  or being pitted against another employee may form a backdrop to verbal abuse.  

Find Your Voice

If you don’t have your own back, who will?  Time to speak up for yourself.  If the thought of this makes you cringe,  first write a script that feels natural where you say,  “I deserve to treated with respect.”  Role play with a coworker, or, in your mirror.  Rehearse this essential confrontation so when the time occurs, you’re ready to define your boundary.  Make “I” statements. Using “You” puts your offender on the defensive. Remember, the game ends when one person quits. However unpopular or uncomfortable it is to stand in your truth, there’s no wrong time for it.

Document, Document, Document

Though most of us carry devices capable of recording,  do keep a written timeline of who, what was said, when, and where.  Sometimes this practice helps us awaken.  More  useful, this evidence will illuminate what may be invisible to other management or human resource colleagues.  

Enlist Support

Trusted and clear Coworker support  is sunlight after the storm.  Since verbal abuse doesn’t occur in a vacuum, you’re likely not the first or only target.  Discover when it happened prior, and how, if at all, it was resolved. Recruit support for any confrontation you intend. Beware the spiral into gossip born of resentment. Though tempting,  gossip is divisive, and worse, you might  resemble your bully by mimic. Really.   

Expand Your View

When you understand that a man with a hammer will always find a nail,  you realize we all experience the world from our internal projections.  This allows you to enjoy a buffer of space and curiosity around encounters, especially hostile ones.   And curiosity opens the door to compassion and understanding, the knowledge that  things happen for us, not to us.  Practice curiosity as you grow brave and stand your ground. Resist the urge to judge, especially yourself.

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4 Reasons to Kill Your TV https://iheartintelligence.com/kill-tv/ Thu, 19 May 2016 13:00:29 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=17682 The post 4 Reasons to Kill Your TV appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

4 Reasons to Kill Your TV

I am as guilty as anyone else of over-using my television set. I leave it on Paw Patrol to keep my kid entertained while I shower, and I turn on a sitcom when I want to zone out for awhile. Am I ever going to get rid of my TV completely? Probably not. However, I […]

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The post 4 Reasons to Kill Your TV appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

4 Reasons to Kill Your TV

4 Reasons to Kill Your TV

I am as guilty as anyone else of over-using my television set. I leave it on Paw Patrol to keep my kid entertained while I shower, and I turn on a sitcom when I want to zone out for awhile. Am I ever going to get rid of my TV completely? Probably not. However, I am definitely going to cut down on my use by at least half this summer. Here’s why:
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Your Television Set is a Time Vacuum

Over the next week, add up the amount of time you spend watching TV. You will be amazed. I don’t know how many times I’ve wasted an entire afternoon zonked out in front of Game of Thrones or The Office. I often hear people complain about how there are not enough hours in a day – and this is absolutely true – so, why do we choose to spend so much of our precious, limited time essentially doing nothing? According to a Nielsen report, the average American watches an astounding five hours of television each day. This adds up to a mind-boggling thirty-five hours per week. That’s almost the equivalent of a full-time job. Just imagine what you could accomplish if you took those hours back! You could write a novel, learn a language, or plant a garden. The possibilities are endless.
Too Much “Screen Time” is Making Kids Angry, Lazy, and Moody

Television is Desensitizing

TV shows are designed to get our attention. The vibrant scenery, beautiful people, catchy music, and constant jokes and plot twists certainly do a good job of holding our interest – but can they be over-stimulating? It is widely acknowledged that this is true for young children. However, this same concern can also apply to adults. By overloading our senses with entertainment, we are numbing ourselves to the beautiful things around us. A bird chirping, a child laughing, and a thunderous storm are all magnificent and miraculous sounds to take in – but when we are deeply engrossed in one of our shows, these seem like nothing but background noises, or even distractions. Shift your focus away from the TV, and the things that really matter will start to become more vibrant and melodic.

Too Much Television can Make You Fat

Most of us snack mindlessly when we watch TV – and this is not a good thing, especially when it goes on for five long hours of the day. We also tend to overeat when we do this, because our focus is on the television show and we become so zoned out that we do not realize we are full. Furthermore, we are sedentary when we watch TV. It has been said that sitting is the new smoking, as a sedentary lifestyle puts us at a much higher risk for obesity, heart disease, and a myriad of other health problems. Use one of the hours you take back from your TV to go for a run or hit the gym. Your body will thank you for it.

Your Television is Distracting You from Your Loved Ones

Every moment I spend watching Parks and Recreation with my husband is a moment that we could be having an actual conversation. Of course we all need down time and quiet – but why not take half of your family TV time and use it to play a game? If you want to be extra productive, you could even use this time to go for a hike or help your children to learn a life skill. In the end, playing catch with your son or teaching him how to make pancakes will be a cherished memory, while watching The Middle with him would have just been lost time.

Whether you are planning to give your television away or just cut down on the time you invest in it, this is a decision that is sure to pay off. Commit to a TV time limit, and stick to it! Your body, mind, and relationships will be better off.

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