accomplishments – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com Tue, 21 May 2019 12:51:22 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.4.1 https://iheartintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/cropped-IHI-square-32x32.png accomplishments – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com 32 32 10 Toxic Behaviors You Shouldn’t Ever Tolerate https://iheartintelligence.com/toxic-behaviors-you-shouldnt-ever-tolerate/ Thu, 09 May 2019 10:19:09 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=44373 The post 10 Toxic Behaviors You Shouldn’t Ever Tolerate appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

You hear a lot about toxic behaviors in romantic relationships, but toxic behaviors can come from a lot of different people, like co-workers, fellow church-goers, even just random people that you meet as you go through life. No matter the source, toxic behaviors are not acceptable. Here are 10 you shouldn’t ever tolerate. 1. Body […]

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You hear a lot about toxic behaviors in romantic relationships, but toxic behaviors can come from a lot of different people, like co-workers, fellow church-goers, even just random people that you meet as you go through life.

No matter the source, toxic behaviors are not acceptable. Here are 10 you shouldn’t ever tolerate.

1. Body shaming

Just about everyone reaches a point in their lives where they want to change how they look, whether it’s getting a new hair cut, gaining weight, losing weight, getting a tattoo – one of the amazing things about being alive is that we can change our appearance! But whether or not you’re trying to change the way your body looks, body shaming is never acceptable. Anyone who would try to make you feel bad about how you look has no place in your life.

2. Sex shaming

Sex shaming can come in a lot of different forms, like “kink shaming,” which ridicules the kinks you enjoy, to “slut shaming,” attacking you for the frequency with which you have sex. Your sex life is yours and yours alone. As long as the intimacy is between two consenting adult partners, it’s no one else’s business what you’re doing in the bedroom.

3. One-upsmanship

We’ve all known a one-upper at one point or another. One-upsmanship is defined as the practice of gaining a feeling of superiority over another person. Usually this comes in the form of trying to talk up your own talents and accomplishments. It isn’t just obnoxious, it’s pretty toxic as well. One-uppers are better left behind.

4. Abuse

Abuse is simply not normal human behavior. It stems from a complicated series of places, but regardless, it’s not something you should tolerate. Abuse can come from anyone, like a friend, a family member, a family member, even a co-worker. There are many types of abuse, like physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal abuses. No matter the source or the reason, abuse is not a toxic behavior you should tolerate from anyone.

5. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is defined as a technique to manipulate another person by psychological means into questioning their own sanity and the reality in which they exist. This is often attributed to toxic romantic partners, but others can attempt to use this type of manipulation as well. Gaslighting can be hard to identify. If you’re not sure how to spot it, check out our article, How To Recognize And Recover From Gaslighting.

6. Belittling your accomplishments

People who belittle your accomplishments are a bit like the one-uppers we’ve already discussed, but instead of trying to make themselves seem superior through their own accomplishments and experiences, belittlers just try to bring you down to their level. Like one-uppers, the people in your life who try to diminish your accomplishments aren’t worth your time, energy, love, or respect.

7. Jealousy

Jealousy is common. Everyone experiences jealousy from time to time. Even I experience jealousy! Just because you’ve had a jealous thought doesn’t mean you’re a toxic person, but when your jealousy informs otherwise abuse and manipulative behavior, it is without a doubt a toxic behavior. Jealousy that leads to abuse should be cut from your life right away.

8. Disrespect for boundaries

Disrespect for the boundaries you’ve established for yourself and the people in your life can manifest in a few ways. It can be something as annoying as your neighbor borrowing something without asking or someone invading your personal space. At some time or another, we all cross a boundary that someone has set, usually without meaning to. But once you’ve established your boundaries, if a person continues to cross it, that is definitely a toxic behavior.

9. Ignoring your experiences

Our experiences are everything to us. The things that we go through in life determine so much of who we are. One-uppers and people who belittle your accomplishments are often guilty of ignoring your experiences, but it can come in the form of not listening to your directions or guidance and insisting that their experiences somehow trump yours. Never let anyone make you feel like your experiences aren’t important or don’t matter.

10. Constant interruption

Everyone should be able to speak their truth and say their piece. It is a deeply toxic behavior to constantly interrupt others. It forms an unhealthy conversational relationship, whether the other person involved doesn’t care what you have to say and simply waits for their turn to speak again. Assert yourself conversationally over people who constantly interrupt. Tell them it’s not okay and you had more to say.

There is a strong impulse to simply accept toxic behaviors from people we love and, at times, ourselves.

But every toxic behavior we accept takes a little more of our lives away from us. Don’t accept these 10 toxic behaviors.

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5 Toxic Childhood Lessons And How To Unlearn Them https://iheartintelligence.com/toxic-childhood-lessons/ Fri, 03 May 2019 07:14:23 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=44287 The post 5 Toxic Childhood Lessons And How To Unlearn Them appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Toxic Childhood Lessons And How To Unlearn Them

The things we learn from our families and our home life often stick with us long term. What we experience as children can inform what it is that we do in our adult lives, whether it’s emulating the behaviors of the adults in our lives, or avoiding those behaviours consciously and at all costs. But […]

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5 Toxic Childhood Lessons And How To Unlearn Them

The things we learn from our families and our home life often stick with us long term. What we experience as children can inform what it is that we do in our adult lives, whether it’s emulating the behaviors of the adults in our lives, or avoiding those behaviours consciously and at all costs.

But some toxic childhood lessons aren’t easily forgotten. Still, it’s up to us to do our part to unlearn these lessons.

Here are 5 common toxic childhood lessons and how we go about unlearning them.

Vulnerability makes you weak

The idea that emotions, vulnerability, and expressing your feelings makes you weak can be common, especially among men, but it’s just not true. Being able to show and speak about your emotions is actually an incredibly strong trait. It takes strength to put on display what’s happening on the inside for others to see, hear, and potentially judge.

Unlearning the idea that vulnerability makes you weak is not easy. It can take a lot of time and effort to get there. But it starts with speaking to a trusted friend or professional. Baby steps are fine, good in fact.

Your accomplishments don’t matter

Growing up on a toxic household can mean that the accomplishments of the children are viewed secondarily, or pretty much ignored, by the adults in the house. People in a toxic relationship get fixated so much on one another that everything else becomes less of a priority. This behavior can tell kids that really, no one cares about the things they accomplish.

Of course, we know that’s not true. We often idolize people who accomplish much with their lives, and you aren’t exempted from that. People do look up to you and applaud the things you accomplish. Your victories in life do matter.

Sex is a weapon

Adults in a toxic relationship do things that are simply not normal, and one of those things is using sex as a weapon. Sex being used as a weapon can manifest itself in a number of ways. Usually, sex is being withheld by one or both partners in order to get back at them for doing, or not doing something in particular. But using sex as a weapon is not healthy and it is not normal.

Sex is sometimes referred to lovemaking, and for good reason. It is the physical expression of love. To take that away for petty reasons is in some ways like saying ‘I can take my love away from you if I want,’ which is not a normal threat to level for a healthy relationship. Using sex as a weapon should be off the table. That said, it is your body and it is your choice and you should never feel forced into intimacy.

You can only count on yourself

Children who grow up in toxic households may find themselves feeling incredibly isolated. The adults in the home are sometimes so fixated on one another that they largely forget the children exist, or the children are largely a non-factor. This can teach children that they are on their own when it comes to passing their classes in school, making sure they’re fed, and dealing with the emotional struggles that go along with being a kid.

The cycle of abuse can’t be broken

Every year, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States experience some form of abuse, be it sexual, verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. Sadly, these types of abuse can sometimes be passed down from one generation to the next. But these cycle of abuse can be broken. The most important step to take is to recognize that abuse is not normal. The victim of abuse must recognize this just as much as the abuser.

Therapy is the most common and probably the most effective way to get in touch with and understand the painful experiences you had as a child.

In therapy, you will be able to work through memories of abuse, grieve for the childhood they never got to have, and identify the way the abuse has impacted your adult life.

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5 Tips for a Better Focus https://iheartintelligence.com/tips-for-better-focus/ Fri, 21 Sep 2018 14:21:38 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=35417 The post 5 Tips for a Better Focus appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Tips for a Better Focus

In this noisy and interesting world, we are living in, it is sometimes difficult to commit our focus to one activity, one task, one person. Even if we manage, the siren voice of all the neglected options is still there to chase us. As the British psychotherapist Adam Phillips says: “Nothing I know matters more […]

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5 Tips for a Better Focus

In this noisy and interesting world, we are living in, it is sometimes difficult to commit our focus to one activity, one task, one person.

Even if we manage, the siren voice of all the neglected options is still there to chase us. As the British psychotherapist Adam Phillips says: “Nothing I know matters more than what never happened”.

Though it is not easy to abandon the feeling that we are missing out on something, we would still need to learn the art of dedicated focus. (That is if we want to achieve anything of value).

Here is how:

1. Know your priorities

The real measure of our progress is when we manage to advance in the direction that is meaningful to us. Accomplishing a long and complicated to-do list is not a real sign of success if the tasks included do not contribute to the achievement of our most important goals. According to Harvard researchers:

“Nothing contributed more to a positive inner work life than making progress in meaningful work. If a person is motivated and happy at the end of the workday, it’s a good bet that he or she achieved something, however small... And the work doesn’t need to involve curing cancer in order to be meaningful. It simply must matter to the person doing it. The actions that set in motion the positive feedback loop between progress and inner work life may sound like Management 101, but it takes discipline to establish new habits.

2. Deal with the clutter

Clutter is a green-eyed monster with many faces. It might be physical, psychological or technological but all of its manifestations are focus killers.

Physical clutter is when your desk is overflowing with papers, pens, and pictures of family members. You lose time (and focus) to find what you need then you forget why you actually needed it. Ok, maybe that’s not you, it’s me, but anyway, cleaning up your space regularly is a good idea, according to research. It boosts your mood, gives you a sense of control and energizes you to the point of feeling ready to deal with whatever the world has to offer today.

Psychological clutter is trickier. We all have personal issues, anxious thoughts, and a feeling of inadequacy in different spheres of our life. They often tend to creep in whenever we decide to focus on a task. One particularly unhelpful mistake we all make sometimes is to confuse doing a job with testing our self-worth as people. As the expert on procrastination, Neil Fiore, says:

The fear of failure, the fear of being imperfect (perfectionism), and the fear of impossible expectations (being overwhelmed) prevent us from acting on and attaining humanly possible goals and relationships.”

Try to let go of perfectionism and help your mind relax through meditation and mindful breathing. Taking good care of your body also has an effect on your mental state and the quality of your focus.

The technological clutter is here to stay but let’s not allow it to invade every single minute of our days (and nights). Take a break from your phone, set limits on how often to check your email, work in full-screen mode in order to avoid visual distractions. Your productivity rises when you are not interrupted by the tweeting and blinking signals of the technologies around you.

3. Start small

There is irresistible beauty in the art of Kaizen – dedicating your full attention to a task for just one minute. The human animal is known for its short attention span so be realistic about what you can do and how long you can do it before you get distracted. Accomplishing one small thing may give you the inspiration to go on with one bigger thing and then another.

4. Have a break

Whenever I have a big project on my mind or a deadline that’s hard to meet, I tend to postpone living. It’s a kind of punishment like when I was a kid and my grandmother wouldn’t give me the pancakes until I finished my homework. The result of this technique is that you either start to hate homework or your grandmother (or both, in my case). So if you don’t want to experience a growing resentment towards your daily tasks, you’d better schedule regular breaks for pleasurable activities. It might be a cup of coffee in the morning, reading a magazine at noon, going for a walk in the park in the afternoon or calling a friend – whatever works best for you. Being productive does not have to bе at the expense of being happy.

5. Notice your accomplishments

To improve your focus and motivation you need feedback. It might be as easy as putting a tick in your to-do list or seeing how organized your desk looks now that you’ve decluttered it. Don’t rush to your next task before basking in the glory of your previous accomplishment. Spend some time at the end of each day to appreciate your progress. You may have done three little things but it still counts. Congratulate yourself for doing them. That really helps to sustain your focus in the long run.

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16 Things to Expect From A Loved One With Anxiety https://iheartintelligence.com/things-expect-loved-one-anxiety/ Fri, 16 Dec 2016 15:54:13 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=23135 The post 16 Things to Expect From A Loved One With Anxiety appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

16 Things to Expect From A Loved One With Anxiety

“Chronic anxiety is a state more undesirable than any other, and we will try almost any maneuver to eliminate it,” wrote Robert E. Neale in The Art of Dying. Anxiety is, indeed, difficult to live with. However, some of the most creative and influential people in the world are also known to have been a […]

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16 Things to Expect From A Loved One With Anxiety

“Chronic anxiety is a state more undesirable than any other, and we will try almost any maneuver to eliminate it,” wrote Robert E. Neale in The Art of Dying.

Anxiety is, indeed, difficult to live with.

However, some of the most creative and influential people in the world are also known to have been a little anxious.

Anxiety often comes hand-in-hand with а number of strong personal assets. These may include a high IQ, a sensitive soul, and a creative mind. Anxious people are often endowed with a drive for achievement. They also tend to care too much about others’ opinion.

It’s no wonder people often find themselves falling for the anxious. So – what happens when you do?

Here are 16 things you should expect when your loved one has anxiety:

1. Expect firm boundaries.

Sometimes anxious people – and especially anxious introverts – simply need to be alone. It is not that they do not truly love you, or that they have certain reservations towards your relationship. They just need their personal space, where they can recover from the daily stress.

2. Expect to be appreciated for the little things you do.

We notice everything, and we are grateful for even the smallest of gestures. No effort on your part to keep the relationship alive will remain unreciprocated.

3. Expect our bond to run deep and grow quickly.

Once you are in our inner circle, you are in for life. Because of our condition, we’ve learned to appreciate true friendship and cherish the love we receive from others.

4. Expect to be the one responsible for making plans.

We do not mind having things planned out for us sometimes, because having too many choices can stress us out.

5. Expect to learn to listen, rather than give advice.

When we are anxious, we need to let the steam out. It’s therapeutic. We are sorry, if we sometimes have it out with you!

6. Expect to cope with hundreds of failed anxiety management attempts.

Essential oils, adult coloring books, acupuncture…we’ll try it all. Trouble is, we do not know what exactly is going to work. And even if we find something that does, it will hardly work at 100%.

7. Expect to give reassurance more than you’d like to.

Tell us we’re safe. Tell us we’re loved. Tell us it’ll all be okay. Even if it is OK and you cannot see anything in the horizon that can threaten our relationship.

8. Expect reason to be powerless against anxiety.

This is true for even the most logical of anxious people. All we need in such moments is unconditioned support.

9. Expect to learn some deep breathing exercises.

Walk your partner through them in times of trouble. They are amazingly effective when dealing with fits of anxiety.

10. Expect to communicate honestly.

Your partner will sense if you are holding something back. This will only add to their anxiety and exacerbate the situation. Moreover, you can thus put your relationship at a serious risk.

11. Expect some weird sleep patterns.

Anxiety often goes hand in hand with insomnia and other sleep disorders. More often than not, you and your anxious partner are going to have different bedtimes.

12. Expect lots of lists and itineraries.

Preparation helps to alleviate our anxiety. Please don’t try to stray from the plan. Nothing brings us greater ressurance than having a plan to stick to.

13. Learn to provide stability rather than drama.

We don’t like to do the on-and-off thing. We need a partner we can depend on. We thrive on this. We create the drama and we need somebody to have it sorted out for us.

14. Expect to encounter problems that you can’t solve for us.

Learn to be okay with that. However hard you may try to support your anxious partner, there are issues they need to sort out themselves.

15. Learn to encourage your partner to practise self-care.

Explain to your anxious partner that it’s not the same thing as being lazy or self-indulgent. Health is just as important as accomplishments.

16. Learn not to neglect your own self-care.

Your well-being is important, too. You cannot effectively provide support for your anxious partner, if you feel emotionally exhausted.

“Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they’re destined to be,” wrote Jennifer Elisabeth.

At times, your partner’s anxiety may seem very difficult to cope with. However, this is part of their nature and your love can be the best remedy. The healing power of love is not to be underestimated.

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Write Now! Science Explains How Journaling Keeps You Mentally Fit https://iheartintelligence.com/write-journaling/ Thu, 05 May 2016 13:50:04 +0000 https://iheartintelligence.com/?p=17299 The post Write Now! Science Explains How Journaling Keeps You Mentally Fit appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Write Now! Science Explains How Journaling Keeps You Mentally Fit

Journaling seems, especially in this day and age, a little antiquated. When you can find psychiatric help on the Internet and we live in an increasingly globalized, interconnected world, taking time to be introspective might seem a bit quaint. The good news for my fellow journalers: it’s not. Buy an “Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt! Time […]

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Write Now! Science Explains How Journaling Keeps You Mentally Fit

Write Now! Science Explains How Journaling Keeps You Mentally Fit

Journaling seems, especially in this day and age, a little antiquated. When you can find psychiatric help on the Internet and we live in an increasingly globalized, interconnected world, taking time to be introspective might seem a bit quaint. The good news for my fellow journalers: it’s not.
Buy an “Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt!

Time spent journaling can be used to effectively combat stress and relieve anxiety, researchers found in this study, particularly if done in the right fashion. To start, journalers were split into three groups:

Group 1 focused on how they felt about a stressful situation

Group 2 focused on the thoughts and feelings they had about dealing with the situation, and

Group 3 focused on writing objectively about events in the media, without emotion.

The study found that the first group actually suffered more, possibly because they were focused on the negativity of the situation. The third group yielded no results: a veritable control group, really. But the second group of participants who wrote about thoughts and feelings they had about the stressful situation showed the ability to look at the positive side of the situation as well as the negative.
Science Explains Why People Who Love Writing Are Smarter

The study seems to show, then, that writing in a journal helps to give a person perspective in terms of processing a given situation. Committing your thoughts and feelings to paper actually helps you sort and process them more effectively.

As for the group who only saw more negativity in the situation because they were focused on the stress they felt dealing with it, researchers say that this is still better than keeping your stress bottled up, because writing about it still helps you deal with it and give it some perspective.

Researchers also found this is the case with non-stressful journaling. You don’t need to be stressed out or overly emotional to benefit from journaling. Just writing down the events of your day, mundane though it seems, can be helpful. It’s a place for you to store your accomplishments and your lessons, what you’ve learned day by day while existing as a human beings.

Furthermore, journaling gives you a place to go to look back and reflect upon your life lessons, your accomplishments, your stress, your anxiety, your emotions, fears, all of it. Journaling makes you a mentally stronger individual because it gives you the opportunity for perspective by being able to look back at something that happened in your life with fresh eyes. It’s a private and cathartic activity that is also an effective means of dealing with daily stress, whatever that looks like for you.
The Love Letters And The Unexpected Benefits From Writing Them

You don’t have to be a writer to start journaling; these days, you don’t even need a pen and paper. Some people prefer to do it the old-fashioned way (I have been recording my life in composition books since I was a kid and will probably do so forever) and some prefer to use modern technology’s wealth of apps, blogging platforms, word processing tools, file sharing programs and more. Your journal can be as private or as public as you want it to be, so long as it is yours.

And that brings us to the only real rule of journaling: making it about you. This is the only absolute rule in terms of journaling for better mental health, say the scientists behind these recent studies. It needs to be a decision you make to become a more active participant in managing your life and, therefore, it needs to be about reflecting on your life. Need a little more help? Check out this great lifehacker page to get yourself started.

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