The Three Best Kept Secrets To Loving Unconditionally, Without Attachment. (with one extra)
Love has no limit, no shape and no condition.
If we could understand this in its entirety -we wouldn’t have the need to buy chocolate ice-cream and watch sad love movies while we sit in self-pity over a failed relationship.
The most fatal relationship killer goes by the names, attachment and co-dependency. These nasty things disguise themselves as true love and later, if not nurtured can become jealous and needy. Relationships go through phases, as we all do and it’s within this very first stage, we can make it or break it.
Attachment can lead to possession and that is, believe it or not – not a part of love. Love in its true form, according to ancient Buddhist and other cultural belief is free of possession, instead it gives freedom in all areas of life.
How can this be? When we truly love something we only want the best for it, we want to see it succeed, to grow, to live. When we want to possess something we impose our beliefs, ideas and ideals onto it and that in turn creates a barrier which does not allow for it to grow.
When we love unconditionally, the pains of attachment can’t affect us.
Loving unconditionally is the acceptance of all that is. When we can’t accept someone for everything they are, we start to try and change them and we convince ourselves that we know best. This is often the start of toxic relationships.
Keeping pure love from turning into attachment isn’t easy, but here are 3 of the best-kept secrets to realizing before it’s too late, with one extra – to conclude it all.
1. Remember: try to remember what you felt the first few days after meeting your loved one.
Love is about feeling. When we first experience being “in love” with that person, we have a huge sense of joy, freedom, nervousness, happiness and many other indescribable feelings. Our senses become heightened and our awareness of the world is met with appreciation, everything is “just right”. It’s important to remember what and how you felt without that person being right there, with you, in the physical. It’s important to try to remember how those first few days enhanced your appreciation for life, with the mere thought of that special person in mind.
2. Love is everlasting, stretches over oceans and through time.
When we truly love someone it should know no boundary. We should be able to love someone so wholeheartedly that just the thought of them should satisfy us.
When we become attached to someone we crave having them near us all the time. Our minds become so engulfed in the thought of having them with us all the time we forget about the gift of solitude. Simply knowing where they are is not enough. And this is dangerous. Once we learn and accept that love has no end and can be felt between worlds, and over oceans, we will then grasp the importance of allowing such freedom and space. Not only for our loved one/s, but for ourselves.
3. Unconditional love is accepting that imperfection is perfection.
Unconditional love understands that nothing is perfect, yet that imperfection is perfection.
Attachment is super critical, judgmental, possessive, controlling and serious. If you ever find yourself making decisions for your loved one and/or find yourself lecturing them on changing or not meeting your expectations you are not practicing the art of unconditional love.
Unconditional love for another never allows us to go down the road to attachment. It loves all that is, even that weird little toe or skew tooth. It absolutely loves the sleep marks in the morning and the smell of breakfast, the sound of birds and the way they deal with their issues, the way they cry or the way they go absolutely nuts when something doesn’t go their way, unconditional love is patient, kind and compassionate in all life’s areas. It gives space and holds space. It loves all that is, all that shall be and all that ever will be.
The last secret is the most important – And should never be forgotten.
Unconditional love is all-encompassing.
Meaning, it must include YOU.
You must water your own garden before watering the garden of another. Unconditional love is not possible without self-love and acceptance. Before preaching the teachings of unconditional love, you must consider yourself as a part of this all-encompassing love. The integration of unconditional love has the power to free mankind from many attachments, and has the capacity to heal wounds and give life through love.