We all make mistakes. Especially when we’re in a romantic relationship.
This is an inevitable part of the great adventure called life.
Of course, you would make mistakes. Building and maintaining a strong and healthy relationship requires a lot of hard work. It is an intensive, perpetual project that hides many obstacles and downfalls on the way.
However, there are some mistakes that you simply shouldn’t do when you reach a certain age.
In order to sustain a steady bond when you’re over 40, you should definitely avoid making the following mistakes!
1. Playing mind games.
This is one of the most childish things you could do to your partner. Leave the games for the youngsters. Right now, you need certainty and mutual respect. You can’t have that by messing around and playing ludicrous mind games.
2. Thinking your relationship will magically fix everything.
In reality, happily-ever-afters happen to very few people. That’s why it would be completely illogical of you to expect your romantic life will miraculously solve all of your problems. Love is powerful and can make you utterly happy, but it isn’t a magical cure for your troubles.
3. Trying to change one another.
Working on self-growth is amazing, especially if you’re doing it alongside your romantic partner. However, it doesn’t mean you have the right to fundamentally change yours, and your significant other’s core values. After all, if you feel the need to completely transform your partner, what’s the point of being with them in the first place?
4. Doubting your partner.
By now, you should know that any strong relationship is based on trust. If you don’t have a leap of faith in your partner, your relationship will be doomed from the very beginning. As long as you keep doubting them, nothing is going to work.
5. Not putting effort into your self-improvement.
Once you find your match, after all this time of hopeless searching, you just relax and stop working on yourself. That’s a huge mistake. You’re thinking that your journey has come to an end when it’s actually at its very beginning. If you want your relationship to prosper, you should always be working on yourself, as you owe it to your partner to be the best you can be.
6. Still thinking about your past relationships.
You’ve been hurt before. Your heart was torn into pieces. But that was in the past. Now you have a whole new romantic relationship with a loving partner. Life is too short to be stuck in the past and miss out on the wonders that are happening now. It is difficult to let go of the past, but you must if you want your current relationship to be successful.
7. Ignoring your partner’s emotional needs.
What we give is not always what we receive. The same goes for love and emotions. You see the world through your own eyes, but your partner is a whole different human being, with their own perspective and emotional levels. Instead of loving them the way you want to be loved, become aware of their needs and feelings. It might not always be the same thing you want and need from them.
8. Falling into a routine.
This is a mistake not only people over 40 should avoid. Routines are what chases away anything interesting and exciting from our lives. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to stop going out and having fun.
9. Taking each other for granted.
Yes, you both are grown-ups, and you have your own responsibilities in your lives. But you also have to make time for taking care of one another and even spoiling each other. You’re over 40, so what? You can still make small but meaningful gestures to show your love and appreciation for your partner.
10. Shutting your partner out.
Your heart has been broken before. It would be completely normal if you have built up some walls around it. However, you shouldn’t let your partner in the dark if you want this relationship to work. To build a genuine and trustworthy bond, you first have to be open to your loved one and give them all of you, as they give you all of themselves.
11. Not willing to find middle ground.
Every relationship requires compromising. You are two different individuals with your own points of view and your own way of thinking. Without finding middle ground, things are most likely not going to work out between you. It takes practice, but if you learn how and when to compromise, a great amount of your problems will quickly fade away.
12. Avoiding the ‘money’ talk.
Anyone who’s been a part of a long-term relationship will tell you that money has been an issue at some point. Not every time your financial comfort level is the same as your partner’s. That’s why you need to talk about your spending habits, your income, your financial goals, and the way you look at money in general.
13. Holding grudges.
Whenever you are mad at your partner, even if it’s a small insignificant thing, please talk to them about it. Holding grudges never leads to anything good. If you remain silent now, you will surely explode the minute all those issues become too much to handle.
14. Losing touch with your friends.
At this age, you have to at least have an idea of balance in your life. No one says it’s an easy task, but it’s not impossible either. You shouldn’t let your partner stop you from spending time with your friends, and absolutely kill your social life. In case they do, and that concerns you, better talk to them about it. You have a right to have a life outside your relationship too.
15. Forgetting that little things matter.
No one says you have to make grand gestures to keep your relationship alive. Small romantic gestures are enough to keep the spark shining. Don’t underestimate the power of little things. Simple things like making your partner a cup of coffee in the morning can do wonders!
16. Becoming codependent.
Never forget that your relationship is only one aspect of your life. It’s not something you should invest all of your energy in. Losing yourself into a relationship will make you constantly feel unfulfilled. And this is definitely not the way you should feel when you’re in love. What you need to do is find a balance between your partner and everything else in your life.
17. Being jealous.
Jealousy is a natural reaction. What matters is the way you express it. Any rushed accusations or judgments will have a destructive effect on your relationship. Instead of lashing out at your partner whenever you feel insecure, try talking to them about what’s bothering you.
18. Not spending enough quality time together.
Oftentimes, after couples stop going on romantic dates, they forget to spend enough time with one another. No, living together and just being in the same room does not count as quality time. No matter how old you are, you should always make time for going on dates and doing things you both enjoy.
19. Pretending like nothing happened after an argument.
Disagreements need t be resolved. Otherwise, we’re back to the point of holding grudges. The best thing you can do after things get really heated is to take a step back, rethink the whole situation, and discuss it again once you’re both calm and ready to find a middle ground.
20. Lack of communication.
Indeed, it’s nothing new that good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Yet, so many couples are still struggling with that. If you learn how to listen to your partner and properly express yourself, most of your problems will disappear.
21. Rushing into a relationship.
In other words, getting too serious too fast. The fact that you’re over 40 doesn’t mean that you don’t have to make time for every stage of a romantic relationship. No one is chasing you, so don’t try to race against the clock. It won’t get you very far in the end.