“You will never have to force anything that’s truly meant to be.” – Unknown
It is hard to be missing someone because it can completely throw off your own judgment. Everything becomes specifically concentrated on that one person.
People oftentimes say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but giving into that kind of power to dictate and immobilize you will leave you miserable and empty-handed in the end.
Before you even consider getting back together with your ex, here are 4 reasons why should resist the urge to do so:
1. Think about why it didn’t work out in the first place
Consider the reasons for your breakup. Think about all the issues you had with your ex. Did his failure to keep a job drive you insane? Was it her constant flirting with other guys, despite her love for you, that made you put an end to the relationship? Or maybe you just constantly fought over everything from who should clean the house to where you should go for holidays.
When you find yourself considering whether you should revive the old fire with your ex, think about what brought you to the edge. What made your relationship hit a wall. Would that be something you’d willingly want to go back to? Often time has the ability to make us forget all the bad and only remember the good things about someone–but keep in mind that you did break up with your ex for a reason. Consider those reasons clearly before making this step.
2. You might think you miss them, but you’re only missing the familiarity
You may feel disoriented and thrown off with the sudden change of your partner being away and out of your life. You forgot what it’s like to spend more time by yourself. You’re not used to the silence in your own head. So, you’ll naturally crave for the sense of familiarity you’ve known this whole time. It’s a painful kind of feeling.
It’s normal to allow yourself to miss someone because it’s a natural way to cope with the shock and stress of separation. But then there might come a period when you just start indulging in that. In that case, make sure to keep yourself away from doing anything impulsive, such as sending them a message, or telling them that you miss them. Chances are you actually don’t.
3. True, some people do get back together, but how many of those examples are there?
You might have seen it happen before. Your friend or someone else you know had a terrible breakup, but then realized that their ex was truly the one for them, they got back together, threw a huge wedding ceremony and lived happily ever after. Great for them. However, one example is not the norm. And further, are you fully familiar with the details of why this couple broke up in the first place? Maybe they’re an exception.
Much more commonly, couples get back together and realize all the problems they had before haven’t gone away. He still doesn’t treat her with the respect she deserves, and she still refuses to pay for anything. The issues that caused your breakup have not changed. Barely anything has changed. Getting back together usually only causes a replay of why you separated in the first place. Which will then inevitably lead to another breakup.
4. An increase in jealousy
The uncomfortable reality is that, when you do get back together after a break of any length, chances will be high that they were intimate with someone else during that time. Maybe they went out on a couple of dates; maybe they had a lengthy affair, or maybe they had a drunken one night stand. If that is the case you’re not allowed to ask questions – and, more than that, not allowed to care. If they slept with one of their friends while trying to get over you, you’ll just have to suck it up and deal with it, because you weren’t in the picture at that point. If that sounds like fun to you, then you’re being dishonest, as it is amongst the least pleasant things in the world to deal with. Prepare yourself for a never-ending spiral of jealousy, and suspicion. You will gradually turn into a paranoid maniac, and surely you will not like yourself then.
Evidently, there was a reason for you or them to initiate the breakup in the first place, so getting back together isn’t exactly the ideal situation. Why should you settle for this?
A breakup means that something was wrong beyond little annoyances. And all of this means that you can find someone who’ll be better for you. Someone who won’t want to break up with you, or you won’t want to break up with. Never settle or deny yourself true happiness.
Even if you feel miserable and cannot see it now, eventually you’ll find someone else. Someone who treats you better than your ex did.
But in order for that to happen, you have to keep walking and avoid getting back together with your ex.