Could we stay friends with the person who we’ve been so passionately in love with?
That is the question in everyone’s mind, who are stuck in the Friendzone and wants to stick to her or him as a friend. The feeling of love and being loved is always the best, isn’t it? And you love this person unconditionally and want them to be happy be it with you or not.
That idea sounds so pure and romantic. But is it really possible?
And even if it is, wouldn’t such a friendship, lead to trouble later on? Furthermore, are you ready to sacrifice yourself for keeping a relationship with someone who once meant a lot for you but betrayed or disappointed you?
Or on the other hand, would you accept a friendship with someone who in fact loves you, or would it feel like taking advantage of someone?
Isn’t it just a desperate attempt to stay in a relationship which was meant to come to an end? Or the inability to admit that something you’ve thought could last a lifetime is over?
And last but not least is staying friends with an ex-something normal?
More specifically according to science an ex who is trying to be your friend could be a psychopath.
Here is why:
The study, which was carried out by researchers at Oakland University and published in Personality and Individual Differences, analyzed the personality traits of 861 people and their relationships in the past. The participants had to answer questions about the relationships they were having at the moment of the study as well as if they had stayed friends with their exes. After that, the scientists gave them a questionnaire to determine narcissistic and psychopathic qualities.
According to the results of the research, those who had personality traits similar to those found in psychopaths were more likely to stay in touch with an ex-partner- for several worrying reasons.
It is a psychological term often used to refer to people who possess personality traits typical of narcissists, sadists. Traits which reveal selfishness or lack of empathy.
Normally all people could display selfishness or act in a more reserved way, but psychopaths often display an extreme form of these two traits – a sign their actions are purely self-motivated.
Psychopaths are also known for the ability to employ false charm, it is often easy for them to continue a strategic “relationship” with an ex long after the actual relationship has ended, allowing them to continue to reap benefits.
According to the research, psychopaths were more likely to stay close with their exes because the latter could still give them things like sex, money, or information.
Moreover, most psychopaths have one common characteristic – they can’t stand the idea of their ex -being in a relationship with a different person. That’s another good reason for them to use their charm and kindness towards the former partner so as to persuade them to stay friends. In this way, it could be easier for the psychopath to manipulate and maybe ruin the other person’s happiness.
Responding to this information, Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’, made the following statement:
“Dating is hard enough without everyone thinking that every time your ex-wants to stay friends that they have psychopathic tendencies or motivations in mind. Having said this, it is an interesting finding in that it points to the intentions of some people for continuing that relationship. They may be interested in doing so for selfish motives like continuing access to sex, information or other practical gains. They may not be thinking of the emotional impact on their ex.”
However, Dr. Sherman advises not to accept all of your exes as psychopaths:
“Having said this, I have seen some clients choose to stay friendly or friends with their ex for normal and even altruistic reasons. These clients want the best for their ex, they enjoy their company and know how to have clear healthy boundaries regarding being friends and not having sex or making unreasonable demands. Many times they are no longer attracted to one another, are both in other relationships and respect those respective partners. This is not always an easy thing to do but it can happen and it’s important not to think that all exes who want to stay friends have psychopathic tendencies or motivations.”
But if your former partner is still trying to maintain a close relationship with you and all their exes it seems a little too friendly and kind.
So you may want to consider this new study an important source of information.
Do you agree with this theory? Please, share your opinion with us.