When you’re head over heels in love with someone, you can get so overwhelmed by your feelings that you are none the wiser there might be something wrong between you two going on.
Love can make us blind to the point where we cannot understand whether the other person loves us as much as we do or our company makes them feel comfortable.
According to Heather Claus, relationship expert, and owner of Owner of Dating Kinky:
“Happy, fulfilled couples who are actually in love are present when they’re together. They pay attention to each other, even in the tiniest of things. Even when the couples are stressed, they will still do everything in their power to be in the moment with one another and to help their partner be in the moment, too.”
However, she also thinks that:
“Couples who are together out of convenience don’t necessarily make it a point to do that. In some cases, they may not even get too bothered if their partner isn’t very responsive. They’re more likely to write it off as something their partner usually does.”
Indeed, it happens to start a relationship and to be excited about our partner but to find later that things have changed. You may even begin to question yourself if their love for you is real.
Here is why we have outlined 4 major signs that reveal the fact you are more of a partner of convenience than his or her true love:
1. They don’t make future plans with you.
If your partner loves you, they should be thinking about a happy future with you and discuss their plans with you.
According to Heidi McBain, MA, licensed marriage and family therapist:
“Couples in love tend to be happy in their everyday lives together, but they also have mutual relationship goals for the future.”
So if your partner is not feeling likely to settle, or they aren’t making any plans for the future with you (even though it is not necessary for kids and marriage), or they are not financially stable and are not considering becoming in the future – well then you might be dealing with someone who sees you as an excellent company for their free time and not as a life partner. However, Heidi McBain offers a solution to these problems:
“Counseling, although not for everyone, can help them answer these questions on a deeper level,” she states. “They can learn where these patterns started, and empower them to make some changes in their lives when they feel ready to do so.”
2. Your partner doesn’t make you a priority.
If you’re in love and want to be with the person you love, you’re going to make time for them no matter how busy your life is:
“Couples in love look forward to seeing each other, can tolerate being apart but are excited when they are together,” therapist, Teresa Solomita, LCSW-R says. “They look forward to shared experiences, have less trouble supporting their partner in their partner’s interests and consider their partner’s desires and needs more easily.” It’s all about happily meshing your life with another person.
And, partners who are together due to mutual comfort have more parallel lives.
“While they spend time together, there is less joy in this time and the time may not feel like a shared experience,” she says. “There is a relief when they are apart, and they rarely think about their partners or look forward to being reunited.”
3. You don’t take the important decisions together.
Couples who love each other take significant decisions together. The licensed psychotherapist and author, Dr. Jill Murray supports this theory:
“They think of the other person when making decisions because it’s ‘we’ rather than ‘me. For instance, if you get a job offer, you’ll consider how it will impact your time together. “Couples in love consider their partner’s feelings equally to their own,” she says. “They truly respect the other as a person rather than just a roommate or companion.”
Hence, if your partner decides to move to another city or changes their job without even asking your opinion that is a telltale sign they don’t take you as seriously as they should be.
Feeling truly emotionally connected to your partner is a sign of real love as is talking to each other. Partners who care would have an open conversation between themselves.
On the other hand, couples who are together for convenience would most often share their problems with other people and the emotional connection with their partner might not be there. So, if your partner is not open with you and does not demonstrate you emotional closeness, it could be a red flag.
But no matter how negative things may seem it’s always better to look at the bright side of things. It turns out that even if a relationship is based on the partners’ mutual convenience, they could still make it more meaningful. According to the author and life coach Jaya Jaya Myra, small, kind gestures of support and affection can do wonders:
“It is possible to create a soulmate. They don’t always come that way right when you meet them, so a little work can turn it around if that’s what you want.”
And if that doesn’t work out – remember – everyone deserves being truly loved and appreciated, and you shouldn’t be wasting your time with a partner who doesn’t demonstrate a real affection for you, even though you’ve given the relationship enough time.
And to be more aware of what true love is we have published below the perfect definition of it given by Ellen G. White:
“True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep. Love looks beyond mere externals and gets attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding.”
Has it happened to mistaken love for comfort?
Please, tell us about your experience.