Whether you and your partner get it on before sleep time or not, going to bed as a couple does wonders when it comes to increasing connection.
After a difficult day, people can truly unwind when they go to bed by talking, touching, and simply sharing some quiet time together.
As Ernest Hemingway wrote in A Moveable Feast:
“We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright.”
He does not mention talking or being intimate. However, one cannot help but find his portrayal of a man and a woman lying next to each other, reading under the moonlight, charmingly romantic.
In a recent study called ‘Technology use during couples’ bedtime routines, bedtime satisfaction, and associations with individual and relational well-being,’ which was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 289 American adults in relationships were asked how they normally spend their nightly routines with their special ones.
The researchers also asked them what they mostly preferred to do with their partners during the four hours before bedtime.
Sadly, there were mismatches and many people were frustrated with their partners, noting that they would often go to bed without them, spent time on their own surfing the web or watching television, or never sought any kind of intimacy. Many of them also said they were highly dissatisfied with their typical nightly routines.
And while a mismatch between usual and desired routines was not seen to predict satisfaction, normally, when a mismatch occurred in the realm of physical intimacy, it led to strong dissatisfaction. Also, those who were less satisfied at bedtime were less satisfied when it came to physical intimacy, their overall relationship, and life as a whole.
Here are some of the activities that predicted bed time satisfaction:
- Watching a movie, a tv show, or playing games together
- Deep conversations
- Simply being in bed together so you can feel each other’s presence and warmth
Even though it is often believed that engaging in separate activities (especially the use of electronics) before bedtime would lower satisfaction, it is actually a significant predictor of bedtime satisfaction.
Doing something involving technology together can in fact be quite satisfying.
The best thing that could possibly happen to you before bedtime is having some great sex, but relaxing in the arms of your partner while watching a cool movie is also not bad at all.
Maybe happiness in relationships truly starts in the bedroom, but coming up with the perfect nighttime routine is not a formula that is failproof. Some people have a higher sex drive than others, while others might need more mental engagement.
As each couple’s dynamic has its own uniqueness, truly the best place to start is a good conversation with your loved one. It could open with a question as simple as: “What would be the best nighttime routine for us in your opinion?” And you could easily start working on it from there. Add more things that you like, remove some that you don’t, and in the end, be willing to make compromises to achieve a balanced outcome for both of you.
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