This person impersonates everything you have ever wanted. They are incredibly intelligent, their beauty is out of this world, their mindset perfectly matches yours. Falling for their dreamlike charms is almost unavoidable.
So you fall.
At first, everything seems beyond perfect. This person makes you feel on top of the world.
They prioritize your needs, pay attention to your words, take care of you in the most tender way, inspire you to fulfill your dreams. Their love seems unreal. Maybe because it is.
One day you wake up next to them, and you wonder where did all the love go. You look at your partner, and you cannot recognize this person anymore. They are not the loving human being you fell for. Instead, they are now someone who controls every single aspect of your life and makes you feel trapped in your own mind. Because that’s how being a victim of a gaslighter feels like.
Sadly, when you finally realize you have been manipulated, it is already too late to simply walk away.
The gaslighting has been going on for so long that you no longer remember who you are. You are left with an image of yourself altered by your disingenuous partner. An image they created to control you and take advantage of your vulnerability.
Gaslighters are people who believe that getting what they want is worth the collateral damage of their deceitful actions. They are masters at reading people, which makes them awfully good at manipulating those around them. They can see through you so well that they can convince you their personality perfectly matches yours. That’s how they make you fall in love with them.
These highly toxic individuals know exactly how to deceive us to make us willingly give in to their devious plans. And when we are too deep into their lies, we choose to abandon our true selves because we cannot see any other way to survive the emotional abuse. Eventually, we allow desperation to consume us.
What many of us fail to recognize is that the lack of motivation to stand up for ourselves actually indicates a lack of self-love.
Sadly, the lack of self-love takes a toll on far too many victims of abuse. As we slowly lose ourselves in relationships with gaslighters, narcissists, and all kinds of toxic manipulators, were become so dependent on them, that we lose sight of our self-worth.
And the worst part is that it is all our fault. Yes, they hurt us, but it was us who allowed the abuse to happen. We chose to overlook the red flags and dive into a relationship disregarding the possible detrimental consequences.
But coming to this realization could be a blessing in disguise. While it may be one of the most emotionally exhausting experiences you have ever gone through, it could transform your entire mindset. After facing your fears and getting to know the real side of toxicity, you will be reborn. You will finally have the wisdom to stop running from your problems, stop denying your flaws, stop ignoring the warning signs. Most importantly, you will rediscover how amazing you are, and you will love yourself for it.
Surviving the trauma of being a victim of a gaslighter won’t happen overnight.
It will take time, energy, and lots of patience. Having someone who understands your pain, whether a friend, a relative, or a support group, will surely help you get through the process much easier. When you are around others committed to their healing journeys, or rooting for you, you will be inspired to keep moving forward.
But even if you are dealing with this on your own, you will still have the exceptional chance to finally find out who you are, to assert clear boundaries, and to have enough faith in yourself to defend them when someone tries to cross them.