How do you know when you should leave someone who does not deserve you?
Deciding to leave someone and end a relationship is always difficult. What is more, it is especially difficult for those who leave not because they want to, but because they feel that they have to. In these cases, the person still loves their partner but recognizes that they are not being treated the way they should be. These people often hear their friends and family say “He/she does not deserve you” and so, they are often advised to end the relationship. However, before doing so, there are 5 steps to take:
1. Ignore what those around you are saying
At the end of the day, your relationship is between you and your partner. Sometimes, listening to those around us can influence us into making rash decisions that will not make us happy. For this reason, it is better to ask them to keep their opinions to themselves or to just ignore them altogether. Even if they are right, you should not be pressured into leaving. Instead, you should decide to leave on your own to not feel regret.
2. Take some time off and be alone
If you are afraid of leaving your toxic partner because you believe that you would not be able to live without them, take a week off. Go on a vacation alone and see how living by yourself makes you feel. Do you feel free and content? Do you realize that you have more freedom to be your true self and do whatever you want without facing unnecessary criticism? If being alone for a week makes you feel happier than being with your partner, you might begin seeing your relationship in a different light.
3. Reflect and make a decision
After being alone, you will gain a new perspective on yourself, your partner, and the life you share. During this step, it is important to reflect on your past and be realistic about the kind of future you two could build. It is vital that you also take a closer look at the abuse and toxicity in your relationship without making excuses for your partner. If you find that the bad outweighs the good, then you might feel more confident in your decision to leave.
4. Begin to find stability
If you have decided to leave, you need to begin preparing yourself. Find stability within yourself and make sure that you will not be manipulated or guilt-tripped into staying. Take all the time you need to emotionally and mentally prepare yourself to leave. Imagine what your life will be like after you have left your abusive relationship: envision the freedom you will have and the way you can regain control of your life.
5. Plan ahead for after you leave
Before you leave, you need to have a solid plan for what to do next. (For example: If you live with your partner, do you have a plan for where you will go to live?) Having solid plans in place will make the break-up (and healing) process smoother as you will not feel completely lost. Instead, you will know where to go, who to call, and what to do. Remember that having a support system is necessary because after leaving a toxic and abusive relationship, one might begin to experience symptoms of Posttraumatic Relationship Syndrome (PTRS).
Always remind yourself that love should not make you feel unhappy, miserable, or worthless. If it does, it is probably not love.