Relationships of 21st century.
Those who are in long term committed ones, stay loyal and faithful to each other, are rightly so considered to be lucky. Unfortunately they may be soon also considered to be dinosaurs in the love playing field. Not that they do anything wrong, it’s just the times we’re living in allow us to experience independent lives, which not so long ago was a rarity. However, deep inside most of us at some point we would like to commit to the person we love regardless of social transformations.
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Yes, would like to. But some of us don’t. Here are few signs (or call them reasons) behind not wanting to fully commit to a relationship, or if you wish – one person.
Number One: Crazy Past Relationships
You had a bad relationship, whatever it means to you, maybe it was the one under a “famous” word: toxic, you suffered, cried your eyes out, you made an effort it wasn’t recognised and you are clear that you don’t want to go through this nonsense ever again. You are so certain about it, that you decided not to love at least “until someone loves you first”, which obviously doesn’t work that way. Instead, you enjoy superficial relationships which can’t cause pain but won’t create a true joy of fully being with someone.
Number Two: Painful Relationship with your parents.
This is somehow similar to the above one, but a bit more hard core. Your father/mother have abandoned you emotionally, perhaps he/she was never there for you, perhaps even never existed in your life. Maybe you witnessed a betrayal to one of your parents, the one whom you loved most, and you don’t want to experience anything like it in your relationships. Because of this, you just never engaged fully with them. You are with people, but you don’t really love them, you are attached to them but that’s nothing to do with love.
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Number Three: Many options.
You can clearly see that there are many “options” available on the “market” in the sense of numerous people who you find attractive and who find you attractive. So why would you commit to one person if you can have a few people at once? Never mind that those “options” are often illusions, as from feeling attracted to someone to actually form a connection is a long way forward, and often requires time and effort which not every “option” wants to make. Still, a package which consists of a lover friend, a friend to flirt on line, a friend to go out to get drunk with is more tempting than one person most of the time, which you may find a bit… boring. Quantity over quality seems to work out well for you. At some point though, you realise that you are actually with everybody and nobody at the same time.
Number Four: You look for a person who ticks the boxes.
Fair enough, you would love to be with someone who represents at least the majority of qualities you want in that person. But have you ever asked yourself if you correspond to the statement you have actually created? In other words do you tick your all their boxes? Be honest with yourself. Are you the person you want to meet? What if you created a list of Miss/Mr “Impossible to find” so then you have a great excuse not to commit?
Number Five: You do “friends with benefits”.
Easy one. Of course you know that sooner or later one of you will want more of this sort of agreement but for now it’s good. You get benefits of a relationship but no responsibility. And no need to commit. But why would you commit anyway, if you simply say that you are “not ready”. Not ready for what? To fully engaging with someone? Then we are back to square one -fear of commitment, although you will say:
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Number Six: Haven’t met the right person.
Of course you haven’t, because before meeting a “right” person you’ve got to find your “right self” first. If you look for it outside, as in other people you will never find the “right” person.
Now, even though all those 6 points sound quite rough, fear of commitment isn’t a crime. It’s actually a normal part of the process on the path to self-love and towards forming a solid relationship. Under the condition that this path is not taking a lifetime, and we’re honest with ourselves and other people, who intentionally or not, became a part of it. Yes, fear of commitment isn’t a crime. But hurting other people because of it is not on.