Having expectations of others is the surest way to cause yourself unnecessary aggravation and stress. Not to mention the frustration you cause them to feel when they fail to meet your standards.
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Some things are natural to expect. For example, expecting your partner to respect you, or to be honest with you. Adding anything more to that list, however, will only cause disappointment.
You can not assume everyone else is at the same place on their journey as you are on yours. How you react to certain situations will not be how someone else chooses to react. We are all unique and we each have a different path to follow.
If you want to have healthier and happier relationships in your life, stop having these 8 expectations:
1. Expectations of “right”
What people determine to be right or wrong is based on many different factors. Spirituality, religion, culture, where they grew up, etc. all have an affect on someone’s morals and ethics. No one grew up with exactly the same experience as you did, and no one is living your life but you. Stop expecting others to see your view of the world as the only correct one.
People eat meat, others choose veggies only. Is one more right than the other? Of course not. Right and wrong are personally defined, and shoving your version of “right” in someone’s face will only cause strife in your relationship.
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2. Expectations of perfection
Perfectionism is a dangerous and harmful idea in any relationship. People are flawed, imperfect beings. It is that imperfection which should be celebrated, not discouraged. We all make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes differently.
Expecting someone to always be perfect puts an enormous strain on the relationship. When they fail, they will feel like they let themselves down and you as well. Instead of giving someone a hard time when they slip up, give them a helping hand and encourage their growth. We’re only human, after all.
3. Expecting agreement
No one wants a “yes” friend. Even worse would be a “yes” partner. Someone who always agrees with you isn’t in a relationship with you- that sounds more like ownership to me.
We each have unique perspectives and views within us, and these differences are what make us individuals. The world would be a very boring place if we all thought exactly the same way. Don’t get upset if someone disagrees with you from time to time. Instead, be grateful for the little things that make us who we are.
4. Expectations of “just knowing” what you mean
You might be a very intuitive person, but that doesn’t mean everyone else has that gift. Communication is important for any relationship to be healthy and happy. So you have to tell someone how you are feeling and stop having unrealistic expectations of them. It doesn’t matter how many hints you drop, or signs you consider to be “dead giveaways,” you need to use your words.
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5. Expecting them to fight your battles
Your loved ones will always show support and try to help you through the difficult times. However, if you constantly delegate your problems to someone else and expect them to take care of things for you, you are going to be disappointed.
Everyone is going through something, even if you can’t see that for yourself. There may be times where they simply can’t take on your struggles because of the ones they are dealing with themselves. That doesn’t mean they love you any less, it just means you need to strap up your boots and do your own walking for a change.
6. Expectations of understanding
When you stop caring what others think of you, your life gets a lot easier. As long as you understand yourself, you won’t seek understanding from others. Expecting someone to “get you” is a waste of energy. You be you, they will be them, and the rest doesn’t matter.
7. Expecting people to follow the golden rule
In a better world, we would all treat others as we would like to be treated. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who have damaged relationships with themselves, so they lash out at others and cause pain. Keep in mind, you are only responsible for yourself. Expecting others to show you kindness because you showed it to them first, is unrealistic. The key here is to just do it- just be kind and don’t expect anything in return.
8. Expectations of immediate transformation
Some people have an epiphany and seem to change into a brighter version of themselves, almost overnight. But, for most people, growth and transformation take time. If someone says they are working on this or that, give them time to learn, grow, and flourish. No one thrives under scrutiny, and expecting someone to magically transform into what you think they should be will cause a lot of damage in your relationship. Allow people to be who they are, and where they are, and let them go their own speed down their path.
Like I said, we are all different- and I think that is definitely a positive thing. Can you imagine how robotic and maddening life would be if we all acted, thought, dressed, and believed the same exact things? There would be very little, if any, growth at all for our society or for our development as human beings. Cherish the things that make you, you. Appreciate the things that make them, them. Above all, remove expectations from your life and just live it.
By Raven Fon