I myself tend to waver between both sides of the introversion-extroversion spectrum. However, I have always been hopelessly and completely attracted to hardcore introverts.
From the playground “marriages” of elementary school to the movie dates of my teen years, I always found myself drawn to the quiet, soulful boys.
Although not every man I dated fit this mold, the general preference never disappeared as I grew older. In fact, I ended up married to one of the most introverted men I know.
Through personal experience and scientific research, I have compiled this list of reasons why introverts are so very irresistible:
They’re Natural Listeners
Everyone needs their thoughts, feelings, and opinions to be heard and validated. This is why it is universally acknowledged that good listeners are magnetic people. Most people, myself included, are more inclined to talk. Many of us need to work hard at building our listening skills, and fight the inclination to chatter on about nothing. Not so with introverts. An introvert will not only soak up your stream of babble, but truly internalize it.
They might even offer an insight, if asked. Ironically, their reluctance to be the focus of a conversation helps them to build one of the most rare and cherished social skills that there is.
They are Challenging and Mysterious
Because they do not have as strong a need for social interaction and approval, an introvert is less likely to placate you. They are also less likely to share parts of themselves that they may not be ready for you to see. It’s no secret that playing hard to get is a reliable way to make yourself seem irresistible – but introverts aren’t playing. Because most introverts have a strong sense of self, they are not afraid to challenge their partner and make you work for their affection.
For an impatient extrovert, this can be maddening – but it is also sure to fuel desire.
They are Empathetic
In the Lemon Juice Study, introverts were proven to be more sensitive than extroverts. When lemon juice was dropped on the tongues of both introverts and extroverts, the introverts were found to salivate more than their extroverted counterparts. The system responsible for this effect is called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This is important because the RAS also reacts to social stimuli, implying that introverts are more sensitive to the feelings of other people.
This sensitivity, combined with an astute pair of listening and observational skills, makes for a deeply empathetic person.
They Delay Gratification
Introverts are much more comfortable with delaying gratification than extroverts are. Therefore, they are more inclined to make you wait for their attention and affection, which means they are once again mastering the art of being hard to get – without even trying. A less exciting but more important benefit of this trait comes when you eventually settle down together.
A partner who can delay gratification is much more likely to be a good husband, father, and provider than one who cannot.
They Make Wise Choices
As any lover of introverts knows, most of them will take their sweet time when making a decision. This is partially because, thanks to their listening and observational skills, they often have more information to work with. However, it also has to do with the way that their brains are structured. A 2012 study by Randy Buckner of Harvard University discovered that introverts tend to have larger, thicker gray matter in their pre-frontal cortex than extroverts do. This region of the brain is responsible for abstract thought and decision making. This means that introverts do not dwell on important decisions because they lack confidence and decisiveness.
Rather, they are actually thinking harder and examining their choices more thoroughly before making a commitment. This is why introverts also tend to stand by their choices in a way that an extrovert might not always do.
They’re Fiercely Loyal
Social situations require much more energy from an introvert than from an extrovert. They also like to spend less time with other people, since they place a high value on their solitude. Therefore, many introverts, such as my husband, decide to save that limited time and energy for those they truly and deeply care for. Most introverts will just not put in the effort required to maintain a wide network of friends. Instead, they will choose a few people who they feel a strong connection to and invest their heart very deeply in them.
I’m very lucky to be one of those people for my husband, and if you find yourself with an introverted partner, you are lucky too.