The only way we can avoid other people’s impact on our lives is to stop being part of the social reality as we know it. In other words – other people’s impact on our lives is unavoidable.
However, it is up to us to either let it determine our every action or to choose not to let it interfere with our own behavior and the way we handle things. Of course, the first option doesn’t exactly sound like a recipe for a happier and less complicated life. So let’s take a closer look at how to get rid of the heaviness of non-stop consideration of others.
You are your own worst enemy.
If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you. ― Lisa Kleypas, Love in the Afternoon
Don’t expect people to respect you if you don’t respect yourself enough
Your self-perception is the most significant clue for who you really are. It guides people when they are looking for a way to get to you, to talk to you, to see you. You should understand that you cannot expect them to respect you if you don’t respect yourself enough. They won’t admire you, if you don’t admire yourself. Decide this minute to stop looking in the others for a proof that you are beautiful, strong, capable. Believe it or not, you are extraordinary. Never doubt that!
Stop expecting people to know what you are thinking
Have you ever been disappointed by somebody’s actions or inaction just because you haven’t really explained yourself or you haven’t given any signs of how you prefer to be approached? Well, then it’s time to realize that people don’t read minds. Save yourself the disappointment and stop expecting them to know what you’re thinking. Communication is the key to healthy relationships and inner peace. When getting to know a new partner – skip the games and speak your mind. When you have some issues with friends – be honest and willing to discuss. When feeling it’s time for a promotion – be clear about it and ready to prove you deserve it. Of course, there are things that need to be felt, instead of told, so be mindful of that and approach situations with open mind.
So yeah, being open and sharing your thoughts will spare you unpleasant misunderstandings and complications, it will really make your life more awesome.
Stop expecting from everyone to make you happy
There is always someone out there destined to make you happy but don’t go looking for them. Stop expecting that every single person you encounter in your life is there to bring you joy and felicity. Sometimes you will feel like someone is just screwing things up for you. Judging and getting angry won’t help. Accept the fact that the most natural thing for a human being is the goal of personal happiness. Sometimes the idea of it might be in an acute conflict with your idea of happiness. You should understand that this is perfectly fine and you are perfectly capable of being happy without their contribution. But sometimes their idea of happiness may include you being happy and then you have met someone precious you should probably stick with.
Stop relying on others for your own well-being
Once you get used to depending on someone else for your own well-being, you stop putting enough effort on taking care of yourself. Instead of feeling a constant lack of someone’s presence, try to focus on your own! Don’t justify your laziness about getting your stuff together with the thought that everything will come to order once you meet that person. No one else should have a greater control of your own here-and-now. Throw away the belief that your life will become better if only you met “the right person” because you forget to live while expecting them to just show up. In your own life you are the rightest person that is always there.
Don’t expect people to be fine all the time
It’s a good thing to put ourselves first but this shouldn’t mean neglecting other people’s importance. Be kind and delicate for everyone you meet is fighting their own battles you might not know anything about. Don’t expect people to be fine all the time. No one is problem-free. Teach yourself to empathy and compassion. Be prepared to find some rudeness, indifference or even cruelty around. But don’t be in a hurry to judge. Everyone has their reason and the right to not be all right.
Stop expecting people to fit in your idea of who they are
We all know how exhausting and frustrating it is trying to fit in other people’s expectations of what we are supposed to be like. What we pretty often miss on is the fact that it is the same thing the other way round. That is why we need to stop insisting on others to change just because we have a particular vision of what we want them to be. Growing up spiritually requires generosity but not in the material meaning. By giving people the freedom to be who they are while still sticking around, you give them wings to fly and someone to fly with. Don’t mistaken accepting with putting up with something that will make you miserable. If you find in somebody qualities you can’t live with, it means this person shouldn’t be part of your life. But expecting them to change is just redundant.
Expectations are difficult to deal with. They come naturally but tend to lead to a lot of mess most of the times. So before starting to anticipate again, take a minute to analyze. Have you done your part before expecting others to do theirs? Have you put yourself in those people’s shoes? Are you sure you are having the right people in your life?
It is never too late to change our ways if this means to be content and in peace with ourselves.
Image credit: Brian Donovan