And if you have cheated in the past, you may being lying to yourself about your true feelings. I know this is an unpleasant truth, but it is a truth nonetheless.
Honesty, loyalty, respect, and faithfulness are key elements to a healthy relationship, along with communication. Cheating is the antithesis of each and every one of these things. When you cheat on someone you “love,” you break their trust, their heart, and in a lot of cases, their will to believe in finding true love in the future. On top of all of that…cheating on someone who really does love you causes them an extreme amount of pain.
If you’ve ever been cheated on, then you know what I mean. Sure, you eventually got to the point of sheer rage and anger that boiled inside for a while, but before that, there was pain.
The pain that felt like you had been kicked in the gut and had your heart ripped out by fire-branded pliers at the same time. Alongside this pain, was the never-ending question of “what did I do wrong?” Or, “what didn’t I do right?”
Here’s the thing: it had nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do, because that person who cheated on you never loved you. Cheating has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. They aren’t ready for a serious commitment. They don’t respect you as their partner- heck, they don’t even see you as their partner. If they did, it would kill them to hurt you in any way, especially by physically cheating on you.
It really boils down to one basic point- if you cheat, you don’t respect the other person.
That’s it. End of story. A cheater doesn’t respect their partner. When you truly love someone, you honor your union with them. And cheating has nothing to do with honor.
Essentially, we want to fall in love with our best friend. Someone who can make us laugh, challenge us, and who we can be totally open and vulnerable with. Someone we could never intentionally hurt, and who could never hurt us. So why do cheaters say they love you, and then do something so horrible? Gigi Engle, a former notorious cheater, explains this behaviour to EliteDaily,
“I’ve cared for the men I have cheated on. I have loved each and every one of them in my own way. But I didn’t love them enough to be faithful. If you cannot sacrifice the touch of another person — if you cannot resist the physical urge to screw someone else in favor of honoring your relationship — you do not value that relationship enough.”
Gigi goes on to say, “For the first time in my crazy, messed-up love life, I believe that I am truly in love — madly, head-over-heels kind of love. The difference with this relationship is that I have a deep and profound respect for my boyfriend. I’m repulsed by the thought of letting another guy touch me. It makes my skin crawl. The idea of hurting someone I respect so much breaks my heart.”
So yes, it is possible for someone who once cheated to eventually fall in the kind of love that doesn’t lead them to another person’s bed. It’s also possible for those who have been cheated on to find a true and lasting love of their own with a faithful partner.
Just remember that you deserve an honest love- a love that respects you. As long as you are honest with yourself, and your partner, you’re on the right path. Talk to each other and keep open lines of communication so when something needs to be addressed, it gets addressed. Most importantly, love yourself.
The world has more than a few insecure jerks in it, and some of them will undoubtedly cause you pain because you chose to love them. Don’t let them stop you from believing in true love, or from loving yourself for who you really are.
By Raven Fon