“We all have cracks and tears and shattered glass within our souls. Some have more than others. We do not wish to seek one who has none; but we wish to find the one who can say “look at me, look at this.” We wish to find the one who sees every bit of broken glass and who will put those pieces into the palms of our hands and say “please keep them.” And we wish to be that kind of person, too. This is how it should be,” wrote C. JoyBell C.
Have you found this person?
Here are 18 signs to help you be sure:
1. You can always take your partner at their word. If they say they are going to do something, they will do it. You know you can count on them to follow through.
2. They support you in reaching your goals. Your partner believes that you will achieve your dreams, and they help you to do so in every way possible.|
3. They are willing to work on the relationship. Even – and especially – during the hard times, you know that your partner will show up and put in the effort. They don’t expect good things to come easy.
4. They are generous with their time, attention, and kindness. This is more important than monetary generosity, as these resources are harder to come by and much more strictly limited.
5. They do not attempt to control or manipulate you. They don’t make ultimatums or threaten to leave if the don’t get their way. They act with emotional integrity.
6. Your partner takes responsibility for their actions. They don’t try to blame you for their own misconduct.
7. They always give you the benefit of the doubt. They will assume that you acted with good intentions unless they are proven otherwise.
8. They are aware of their imperfections. They engage in continuous self-improvement. They are quick and sincere in their apologies when they have made a mistake.
9. Your partner does not hold you to a different standard. Anything they expect of you, they will expect of themselves, as well.
10. You laugh together often. Your partner brings you happiness, lightness and joy.
11. They understand and respect that your needs might not be the same as their own. They are willing to work on your level. They show affection in ways that you receive well.
12. They are honest and straightforward with you. They don’t feel the need to lie, hide things, or sneak around. They would rather tell you something that might upset you than keep it a secret.
13. Your partner is willing to communicate, even if they are upset. They don’t make assumptions about your behavior or motives. They are willing to hear you out.
14. They enjoy spending time alone. They respect your need to do the same.
15. They give and they take. They do both of these things in equal measure. They don’t behave selfishly, nor do they cast themselves as the martyr.
16. Your partner doesn’t compare you to their ex, their co-worker, their mother, or their best friend’s partner. They allow you to be your own person. They see you as a whole being, independent of the strengths and weaknesses of others.
17. They see no need to dig up the past. They deal with problems when they happen, and then they move on. They allow you to grow beyond your past mistakes.
18. They are the only one you want to see at the end of a long day. When you fall into your partner’s arms, you feel at home.
“You can’t live in your mind and expect those dreams to become real, without the work. Reality requires actions that might feel scary, but that is what is required if you want to find true love. Don’t expect it to come and rescue you. You have to rescue yourself,” wrote Shannon L. Alder.
Be honest when you look at the list above. Where does your relationship need work? Does your partner check off every box? Do you? If not, don’t despair. Get to work. There’s no perfect partnership – but two imperfect people can struggle and sweat and eventually grow to love each other perfectly.