“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.” ― Mandy Hale
We all deserve respect and compassion in our relationships. However, some people settle for less than they deserve because they fear being alone, lack self-respect and self-love, or simply because they figure “this is as good as it gets.”
“Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt?!
Trust me- you deserve to be treated in a way that makes your soul smile.
There are obviously going to be trying times in any relationship, but if any of these 8 things are a common occurrence, it’s time to move on.
1. Making hurtful or rude comments.
Mutual respect is vital in any type of relationship if it is to be a healthy one. It’s likely that there will be ups and downs, but if hurtful words or rude comments are the only response someone can offer when things get difficult, then they’re not the one for you. People who truly care about us do not wish to intentionally hurt us- neither emotionally nor physically.
2. Abusive behaviour.
Speaking of emotional and physical abuse, these two things should never be tolerated. No one deserves that. No one.
If you experience fear, trepidation when speaking, or feel unsafe around the person you are in a relationship with, then you need to get away as quickly as possible. There is nothing healthy or beneficial about having to hide a part of yourself to make someone else’s demons comfortable.
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3. Lying, lying, lying.
When someone lies to you, they aren’t being authentic. And what’s the point of being with a fake person who you can never trust? Without trust, there is no foundation for a relationship to build upon. Essentially, it’s a hopeless endeavor that will only cause you pain and stress.
4. Controlling everything.
People who feel like they must control every aspect of your life, should have no place in it. If someone implies that they need to know where you are going and with who because they don’t trust you, and if you’ve given them no reason to feel this way, then they are being overly controlling. No one can live your life for you except you, yourself.
Andrea Bonior writes in Psychology Today, “Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners— whether they or their partners realize what’s happening or not. Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation.”
5. Breaking promises.
It’s healthy to have some independence in the relationship, but every now and then, we need to be able to rely on the things our partner tells us. If they say they can do something, and we depend on them to follow through, they should do it. End of story. If breaking promises, folding on agreements, and canceling plans is something you regularly deal with, it’s time to see those traits for that they are- red flags.
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6. Always putting you last.
People get busy. Schedules become packed. We run out of time to do the things we really want to get done. But that doesn’t mean that you should constantly accept second-place when it comes to your relationship. You deserve to be treated like a priority because, well, you should be one to the person who loves you. You are special and if someone doesn’t prioritize you in their life, then you don’t belong there.
7. Dismissing your dreams.
Our goals and dreams help keep us motivated and inspired to try new things, and grow as individuals. In our relationships, we should be able to confide in our partner and share our personal thoughts and desires. However there are some people who will try to undermine your success, are jealous of your progress, and will do anything but support you. You do not deserve someone like that. Find someone who will encourage you- not drain you.
8. Refusing to be held accountable for their own actions.
If they can’t take responsibility for something they do or say, they will never take you or your relationship seriously. No progress can be made if someone is unwilling to correct their toxic behaviour, and refusing to accept responsibility is pretty darn toxic. It ends up leaving you with every single burden to carry, alone, indefinitely. The mental anguish and stress you will go through isn’t worth it. You deserve to be with someone who will share everything with you- especially the responsibilities.
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I understand relationships can be difficult at times, and none of us are perfect. But there are acceptable flaws, and unacceptable flaws. We each deserve something better than the behaviours mentioned above, and if you are in a relationship with someone like this, it’s time to leave.
What you allow, is what will continue.
By Raven Fon