Well, a recent study validates what many of us experience. Men are often seriously threatened by intelligent women. Though the study only included 105 men, researchers determined an interesting dynamic. When the men were posed with hypothetical scenarios, they expressed an attraction for smart women. However, when told they would meet in person, they shifted those opinions, finding their partners physically and emotionally unattractive. They even distanced their chairs! The scientists tentatively concluded that men feel a threat to their masculinity.
So ladies, if you’re thinking “tell me something I don’t know,” you’ve had more than your share of “come hither…no…keep away” dates. Our romantic discrimination occurs if we’re smart, of course, but also if we’re tall (over 5’10” to be exact), financially independent, self-assured, capable and/or assertive. Ah, and if we’re beautiful, which is to say, if we’re ourselves. What’s a girl to do? Well, at the very least, know the signs.
He’s intimidated if he looks away, (stealing a glance when he thinks you won’t see), turns away or grows quiet. And, there were many flirtations, but his behavior changes in person. Ultimately, he won’t follow through, won’t return emails, and is likely to vanish from the radar. You want closure. You want to wrap it up and put a bow on it. Well, take that pretty little bow and put it on your own pretty head. It’s enough to understand and simply let go. There’s no problem to solve and here’s why.
Psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo suggests that men who are intimidated, instead, learn to appreciate a woman’s strengths and stop comparing themselves to her. She further suggests that men realize the issue is with their own self-esteem, not the fact a woman is smart, tall, beautiful, self-assured, and so on.
Basically, we aren’t here to fix each other. The challenge is compassion. Adjourn from the situation and all expectations. Move forward in your own inimitable grace, and wish him well. Whether the failed date is because his masculinity feels threatened or he fears eventual rejection, let’s not get bogged down by analysis paralysis. It’s a big ocean. This is the fish you throw back. Why? Because true substance within each of our hearts is marked by acceptance, openness, curiosity, respect, kindness and a loving, generous spirit.